How To Be “Just Friends”

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If you’re a single kick butt girl, chances are you struggle with this issue when it comes to your guy friends. It’s really hard to not want more with one of them (or, in many cases, more than one of them). You don’t want to like them, but you just can’t help yourself! Here are some tips to help keep your head and heart in check.

Avoid alone time together
When you spend time alone with a guy friend, he seems perfect. Every word he says is deep and godly. He’s a perfect gentlemen. You suddenly forget all those glaring faults that he exhibits when he’s in large groups. If you find yourself falling for him every time it’s just you and him, avoid those times! Make sure you’re always in groups. Let a girl friend know about your struggles so she can be your third when you need it. And never let him drive you home at night. That’s when girls are at their weakest

Don’t make him out to be better than he is
No guy is perfect. If you think he is, you’re kidding yourself. This might seem harsh, but think about that guy you are struggling with and think of his faults. It will really help bring you back to earth. Be real with yourself and recognize the ways you build him up in your mind.

Don’t make him out to be worse than he is
In an incredibly elementary school fashion, I’ve seen way too many girls try and combat their feelings by bad mouthing the guy behind his back. Not only will that not help your raging emotions, it’s mean. So don’t. In fact, avoid talking about him all together. That’s a pretty safe bet to guard your heart

Focus on your girl friends
If you find yourself constantly wanting to hang out with a guy you’re trying to be just friends with, replace it with investing in your girl friends. Text them instead. Initiate time with them instead. Make plans with them instead.

Keep conversations light
Girls fall head over heels for a guy who talks about things like sanctification and predestination with passion. If every time you talk to him, you turn to goo as soon as he busts out some systematic theology, avoid those deep conversations. That’s not to say that you can’t talk about your faith. But keep it light. Recognize your weak spots and protect yourself.

Keep conversations bright
The worst time to hang out with a guy is after ten o’clock at night. Your defenses are down and suddenly everything he says and does has your mind whirling with romantic possibilities. So confine yourself to spending time with him during the day.

Stop the day dreams
If you find your mind drifting to a particular guy that you are fighting feelings for, say a quick prayer for him, then move your thoughts to something else. Pick a verse that you will work on memorizing. Pick some other people to pray for. Text a friend. Read a chapter of a book. Don’t let your mind and heart dwell on him.

Treat him like a friend
Sounds simple, right? But it’s a huge thing! Don’t look at him as a potential husband or boyfriend. Don’t doodle your initials together. Don’t talk to other people about him like the two of you have a super special relationship. Treat him like a friend.

Be patient
Sure, something may happen in the future. But don’t hold your breath. If he’s the guy for you, he will take the first step. He will make things happen. Don’t rush God’s timing. Be patient. Enjoy friendships. Don’t expect more out of him because there never may be…and that’s not a bad thing.

Question: What are some things you’ve found yourself doing that make it harder to be “just friends” with a guy? What are some things you do to help you protect your heart?

Do You Treat Guys Like Meat?

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Your answer is, “No, of course not!” But think about it for just a minute.

Something all girls hate is feeling lusted after. Having a guy you don’t know whistle at you when you walk by. Or that jerk in English who looks everywhere but your face. You hate when guys talk about girls like we exist just for their pleasure.

And girls never do that…do we?

What’s your first thought when you meet a nice guy? Or a cute guy? Or, worst of all, a nice, cute, Christian guy? I’d wager to bet it isn’t something totally innocent and friendship based. From zero to sixty in half a second, most girls go from “Hello” to thinking about dating. Is he “the one?” Does he have a girlfriend? What can I do to let him know I’m interested? Wait…what was his name again?

Tough girl, stop it! I’m not here to give some lecture on how those guys are your brothers in Christ or that they could be someone else’s future husband. I’m saying stop because that’s just weird!

No girl wants to feel like a guy is lusting after her. And, while wanting to date isn’t exactly lusting, it straight up scares guys when they see a girl moving that fast mentally.

If your mind moves that fast, I guarantee that actions will soon follow. Being the one who initiates texts. Stalking him on Facebook. Sitting by him whenever you can. Pursuing him. Right off the bat, you’re setting yourself up for failure. You’re taking the reigns out of his hands and setting the standard that you are the one making things happen. That will leave you with two things: a relationship where a guy doesn’t peruse you because he doesn’t think he has to since you’ve done all the work or it will leave you with reigns in your hand and no horse because your guy just ran away screaming.

Next time you meet or a new guy, or even if this brought to mind guys you know now and have gone down this path with, slow down! Take a deep breath, calm that insane brain of yours, and get your emotions in check. If he’s a guy that God has for you, He and he (God and guy) will make it happen. Don’t torture yourself with letting your feelings run wild. You’re a sinner, remember?

Question: What kind of guy makes you lose all sense of sanity and reason? What steps could you take to slow yourself down?

Missionary Dating

Also known as evangelism dating. Also known as suicide. It’s when a super amazing, kick-butt girl lowers her standards and starts dating a guy in hopes of lifting him up, encouraging him in his faith, and helping him grow stronger.

Could it work? Maybe. Is it a bad idea. Definitely!

Lowering your standards is lowering your standards, no matter how “holy” your intentions might be. If he doesn’t reach your bar, it’s a really bad idea to date him in hopes that he’ll one day get there.

Ready for a curve ball? This doesn’t just have to do with non-Christians.

Do you…I mean, do you have a friend who is super close with a  guy who is a new Christian? Maybe he’s been coming to youth group for a couple of months. He changed his religion on Facebook to say “Christian.” He might even have a Bible next to his bed.

Is that still missionary dating?

I’d have to say yes. You…I mean, your friend figures that since her new interest has been a Christian for all of five minutes, he’s ready to be that godly guy she’s been waiting for. The thing is, godliness takes time. Maturity doesn’t happen over night.

The worst part about missionary dating is that you don’t know if the guy is growing because of God or “growing” because of you. Would he still go to church if you weren’t there? Would he still be just as passionate and fired up if you weren’t around?

So how do you avoid the pitfall way too many Christian girls slip into? Wait. Be patient. If he’s the guy for you, you’ll see him do amazing faith-type things apart from you. He’ll join a small group and show up on Sunday mornings without you pestering him. He’ll talk with his friends about the Bible when you aren’t around. He’ll grow to your amazing standard without you nudging him every step of the way.

Your Prince Charming will be worth the wait.

Related articles

• The One Line Standard For Who You Should Date (fightlikegirls.wordpress.com)
• Unequally Yoked Christians (singlechristanwomen.wordpress.com)
• love potion #9. (marykathryntyson.wordpress.com)

Is Equally Yoked A Joke?

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What’s at the top of your “dream guy” list? He should be attractive (to you). Great personality. We girls tend to go weak in the knees for a nice smile.

But, if you’re reading this tough girl Christian blog, I’m guessing at the top of your list is something like, “He has to be a Christian,” or, “He has to love Jesus.”

When it comes to dating, or even simply liking a guy, Christians love to cling to the whole equally yoked thing:

“Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?” – 2 Corinthians 6:14

 

This isn’t going to be another don’t date or even like non-Christian blogs. If you’re a tough girl, you already know that. But have you ever wondered if two people who are both Christians can be unequally yoked?

Just because someone goes to church and has ‘Christian’ as their religion on Facebook, it doesn’t put them on the same page as you. If you’re in high school or college, you know people love to profess things one day and then change their minds the next.

It’s more than just having a label. Being equally yoked means you challenge each other to be better. You teach other. You hold to the same standards, morals, and ideals – as well as agreeing on where they come from.

And why does that matter so much? Wouldn’t dating someone who at least goes to church every once in a while be better than dating a non-Christian.

NO!

A guy should be the protector of a relationship. We all love the idea of being romanced by Prince Charming. When we get into relationships (even if it’s just a Hey! I like you and doodle your initials in a heart kind of thing), we trust that guy. And, if he doesn’t hold to the same values and standards, it’s almost guaranteed we will lower down to his level. A little compromise here, a little compromise there…all because we trust him.

Do yourself a favor. Make a list. Not of qualities you want in a future boyfriend. Make a list of what the relationship will look like. How much time will you spend together? What will that time look like? What’s okay and what’s not when it comes to physical stuff? How will you both protect yourselves emotionally, physically, and spiritually.

Keep that list. The next time you are interested in a guy, feel him out to see where he stands on those things. If you get into a relationship, show him your list and see if he agrees.

Don’t make equally yoked out to be a joke. Set your standards high. Set your convictions firm. And, if no one measures up right now, you know that God has someone amazing in your future.

How To Break Up With A Friend

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In my post on Monday, I talked about the need to cut out bad friends. But the big question is always how? How do you stop being friends with a bad influence that you’ve been friends with since you were four? Or someone that, despite the fact that you know they’re bad for you, you still like them? What if it’s a relative like your sister or your cousin?

 

Here’s a few practical ideas to un-yoke yourself from unbelievers, bad influences, and those terrible Tom & Jerry friends.

 

Identify Bad Influences Verses Bad You Can Influence

Not all friends who aren’t living good lives are bad for you. There are people in your life that God has put there so you can shine light in their lives and help them make better choices. So how can you tell the difference? Well, look at your time together. Who is the leader and who is the follower? If you are the leader and a positive influence in their life, then that’s a good thing. But if you find yourself compromising what you know is right when you’re around them, it’s a friendship that needs to change.

 

Twice the Try, Half the Time

Do yourself a favor – cut back on time with those bad friends. Sit with other people during lunch. Make other plans on the weekend. Don’t return texts. Busy yourself up so you aren’t spending all that corrupting time with them. But, when you do spend time with them, try harder to be above their influence. Stand strong for what you believe in. Ruffle a few feathers. Remind yourself that even the tiniest compromise is still a compromise.

 

Get Some Accountability

Find yourself constantly sucked into the vortex of negativity? Tell a friend. A good friend. Tell them your tendencies toward terribleness. Ask them to keep you accountable – to drag you away from those bad friends, to be your fallback girl when you’re making excuses, an to ask you if you are compromising or rising above.

 

Pray for Them

As you are spending less time with these bad friends, spend more time on your knees praying for them. Pray that they would change. Pray that they would fall in love with Jesus and He would transform their lives. And pray that you wouldn’t be corrupted by their ideas and behaviors.

 

When in Doubt, Cut it Out

Have you tried all of the above and still find yourself unable to get away? Cut the friendship completely. Tell them you can’t do it anymore. That you want to be different. It will hurt them and it will hurt you. But not nearly as much as staying in a destructive relationship.

 

Have you ever had to change up or end a Tom & Jerry kind of friendship? Any tips that you can offer?

 

Tom & Jerry – No More Cat and Mouse

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Hopefully I’m not dating myself here, but have you seen Tom & Jerry?

 

Let’s just say, “Yes.”

 

The cat and mouse team is known for their violent rivalry and destructive tendencies. Mouse irritates cat. Cat chases mouse. Chaos ensues. House gets destroyed.

 

Do you have any friendships like that?

 

Maybe it’s a friend that you’ve had forever, but whenever you’re together, you find yourself doing things, watching things, saying things that you later feel guilty about.

 

Or maybe it’s a new-ish friendship. Someone you’ve looked up to or wanted to be friends with for a long time. And, now that you are, you start compromising so you can fit in.

 

Why is who pick as friends such a big deal? Think about these verses:

 

“Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? What accord has Christ with Belial? Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever? What agreement has the temple of God with idols?” – 2 Corinthians 6:14-16

“Do not be deceived: ‘Bad company ruins good morals.’ Wake up from your drunken stupor, as is right, and do not go on sinning. For some have no knowledge of God. I say this to your shame.” – 1 Corinthians 15:33-34

“…the companion of fools will suffer harm.” – Proverbs 13:20

 

You, tough girl, are not as tough as you think you are. At least, not in this area. Something tends to happen to us around certain friends where we forget the things we stand for, the things we abhor, and who we are. We start making little compromises that turn into big compromises. Our witness gets ruined, our reputations are tarnished, and we feel guilt and shame.

 

God doesn’t say these things as an insult. He says it as a loving Father and friend who knows us all too well.

 

So do yourself a favor. Find the Tom to your Jerry, the friend or group of friends that makes you worse and not better, and stop the destruction.

 

I’ll have more ideas about how exactly to do that on Wednesday. But, for now, just think about who those friends are that maybe you shouldn’t be such good friends with.

 

God’s Glory

How many of you desire to bring glory to God? Do you ever find yourself struggling with just how to do that?

 

“Do all things without grumbling or questioning, that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world…” – Philippians 2:14-15

• I don’t know about you, but I find myself slipping into patterns of complaining and criticizing without giving it a second thought. The thing is, anyone can grumble and complain. It sets us apart when we don’t. That’s why it’s such a big deal. Not complaining makes us stand out! And not just stand out like someone wearing polk-a-dots paired with plaid,  but stand out like lights shining in the world for the sake of Christ.

 

“Yet we know that a person is not justified by works of the law but through faith in Jesus Christ, so we also have believed in Christ Jesus, in order to be justified by faith in Christ and not by works of the law, because by works of the law, no one will be justified.” – Galatians 2:16

• We live in a world that tells us to brag about our accomplishments and hide our weaknesses. What does the Bible say? Boast in weaknesses! Let the world know when you fall short and fail! Why? It makes the grace and mercy of Christ that much more amazing. It reminds the world that it is Jesus who saves us – we don’t have to work to save ourselves. Do you stand out by your humility and your willingness to admit where you fall short, pointing people to Christ and making Him the hero of your life story?

 

“You will be enriched in every way to be generous in every way, which through us will produce thanksgiving to God.” – 2 Corinthians 9:11

 

• In a society that bombards us with things we “need,” it is totally counter cultural to be generous. To give sacrificially so others can have. To deny yourself for the better of other people. And not just to simply do it but to be thankful to God (not to yourself) when you do. Now that will make you stand out.

 

Those are just three things off the top of my head to help you stand out in this world and shine like lights for Jesus: not complaining, boasting in weaknesses, and being generous.

 

Any more than you can think of? Any verses that remind you to be different in this life for the glory of God?

 

How To Force Yourself To Have A Quiet Time

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What would you say is the number one excuse for not having a quiet time? Is it feeling like the Bible is boring? Or maybe believing that prayer doesn’t really work? Nope.

 

I don’t have enough time.

 

What’s amazing about this excuse is that 1) Everybody everywhere has the same amount of time. Super holy people aren’t given an extra three hours in their day. 2) That twenty four hours we have every day is given to us by God Himself. I’m sure He knew what He was doing when He planned it like that.

 

The problem isn’t having enough time. The problem is time management. It’s what you do with your time.

 

The best way to have a quiet time is to get into a routine. Have a set time during the day where you sit down, read your Bible, and spend some time praying. There are several ways to do this.

 

The Crack of Dawn Quiet Time

Wake up early. Set the alarm for fifteen or thirty minutes early. Take a shower first! That way, you are much more awake when you open your Bible. You can even do it while eating breakfast. It’s a great way to start your day.

 

The Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep Quiet Time

The day is over. Homework is done. Teeth are brushed and the house is quiet. You round out your day by thinking about all the Lord has done and go to sleep with His Word dancing around your head. Though I would recommend not doing this one in bed. Sleepy time Bible reading and prayer usually just turns into sleep.

 

The Anti Social Lunch Quiet Time

Instead of eating in the cafeteria with your friends, you hide in the library or a classroom and read your Bible in the middle of the day. It’s kind of like hitting pause in the midst of chaos, getting realigned with the Truth, and getting energized for the rest of the day.

 

There are many enemies when it comes to quiet times. These are quiet time suckers. Little things that you do that take away time in which you could be hanging out with Jesus. If you have time to do these things, you certainly have time to read your Bible.

 

Watching TV

Facebook

Texting

Facebook

Snacking

Facebook

Facebook

Facebook

Let’s face it. If you have time to check your Facebook, text a friend, and watch an episode of Psych, you have time to read your Bible. Make a conscious choice to not do those things until you’ve spent time with Him.

 

Have you read your Bible today? If you read this, you certainly have time to read that.

 

What’s Your Motive?

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“Each day I keep asking myself Am I reading my Bible to be close to Jesus? Or to check it off on Facebook?”

This question from a high school student this last week didn’t surprise me. In fact, I’ve asked myself the same thing. When I read my Bible, am I doing it because I love it? Because I want to be filled with the Holy Spirit, the wisdom that the Lord longs to give me, and the conviction and life change that I know He wants to bring?

 

Sometimes.

 

But sometimes it’s something to do because I feel like I have to do it. It’s just something else on my check list and, if I don’t do it, I’ll feel guilty.

 

So what should you do when your motives for reading your Bible aren’t holy? When you drag yourself to church not because you want to but because you feel like you have to? When you are singing worship songs with your mouth and not your heart?

 

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us…” – Hebrews 12:1

There would be no need to run with endurance if the race wasn’t hard, if life was simply some leisurely stroll where we felt good and happy all the time.

 

Endurance. Perseverance. Commitment. All of these words speak of the need to keep going even when you don’t want to. When you aren’t “feeling it.”

 

Now, I’m not saying Jesus wants you to stay there. If you go a month straight reading the Word every day and get nothing out of it, check your heart. You’ll probably find some hardness there. But a day or two where you aren’t feeling especially Christian? Well, that happens to all of us.

 

The question is, what will you do about it? Give up? Stay lazy and apathetic? Or persevere?

 

Have you read your Bible today?

 

Grace Under Pressure

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Once upon a time there was a girl named Grace. Throughout the land, Grace was known for her courage, her smile, her wisdom, her beauty, and her overall kick butt-ness.

One day, Grace went on a walk through the woods by her kick butt castle. “What curious woods,” Grace thought out loud. “The trees almost look as though they could talk.”

“Oh, we can talk,” said one tree. And with a loud crunch and the snapping of many twigs, the tree leapt from its grassy home and landed on Grace’s back.

Grace bent slightly under the pressure. “Why, whatever are you doing?”

“Don’t you know, Grace, darling? We’re your parents. We want you to go to college and get a big degree. And then marry some rich handsome man and give us lots of grandchildren.”

Grace thought for a moment. “Yes, I suppose I can do that. But I really just wanted to go for a walk through these woods.”

“Not today,” huffed another tree. Just like the first, it uprooted itself and landed with a thud on top of her back.

Grace stumbled, but managed to remain standing.

“I’m your school. You’re much, much too busy for walks. You have homework and projects. Sports and clubs. Not to mention those college applications.”

“Yes, don’t forget those,” the first tree piped up. “And have you cleaned your room lately?”

Before Grace could reply, another tree tore from the ground, soared through the air, and landed on her back. Grace fell forward, landing on her knees.

“Grace, you have plans! We want to go to the movies and go to the lake. Don’t you want to hang out with us?”

“I suppose,” Grace panted, closing her eyes against the weight, “that you are my friends.”

“We want to come over and eat all your food. Or head to the mall for no good reason at all. Please come with us! You don’t want to miss out.”

“Grace, you really have too much to do at home—”

“Grace, you really have too much to do at school—”

“Grace, you really have too much to do with us—”

As the trees continued to shout and demand, weighing Grace down, she felt herself growing weak. The pressure and demands of life felt like they were too much to bear.

Just as she began to sink to the ground, she spotted a vine running across the ground in front of her. Why hadn’t she seen it before? Perhaps because she’d been staring straight ahead, completely set and confident in what she waned to do.

With a trembling hand, she reached out and grabbed the vine. What happened next was curious indeed. The trees did not cease to shout. The weight did not suddenly lift. But it did become lighter.

Grace grabbed the vine tighter, feeling it’s warmth flood through her. She stood on trembling legs, slowly straightening herself.

“Grace,” her parents demanded, “What are you going to do, dear?”

Instead of responding, Grace flung herself backwards, knocking the trees to the ground. She spun around and stood over them, smiling.

She spoke with a renewed strength. “I’m going to follow this strange and wonderful vine and see where it leads me.”

“You know we’ll be here when you get back,” her school reminded her.

“I know,” Grace said, gripping the vine with both hands. “But I can’t handle you on my own. You’re much too heavy. I’m much too weak. You make me feel frustrated and angry and overwhelmed.”

“And how will that vine help?” her friends asked, doubt obvious in the tree’s tone.

“I’m not sure. But I need some time with it to find out.”

“I am the vine, you are the branches. Whoever abides in Me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit. For apart from Me you can do nothing.” – John 15:5