When It’s Good To Have Mean Friends

I am a mean friend.

There. I said it. And you know what? I’m not ashamed.

Just yesterday, I was talking with a group of girls when one of them shared about why they weren’t doing Bible in a year. Now, I’m not some religious nut who thinks everyone needs to do it. But her excuses for not doing it were lame.

So I told her so. Actually, I specifically called her a sluggard. Okay, I might have even pointed at her and yelled it for all of Starbucks to hear.

And you know what? I was right. More importantly, she knew it.

We all needs friends like that. We all need to be friends like that. Something that sets us apart as tough, kick butt girls is that we tell it like it is. We point out the truth with confidence and gusto, knowing it might rub someone the wrong way, but knowing that sometimes you need to get rubbed the wrong way.

Call it tough love. Call it honesty. We may not like it all the time but, when we really think about it, we know it’s something we need and it’s something we need to do.

“Have I then become your enemy by telling you the truth?” – Galatians 4:16

“Better is an open rebuke than hidden love. Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy.” – Proverbs 27:5-6

You need mean friends. You need to be a mean friend. It’s the nicest, kindest, godliest thing you can do.

Question: When have you had a friend speak a hard truth to you in love? Have you ever done the same thing to a friend? Do you have a friend right now who needs to hear some hard truth from you? How can you share in a loving way?

Related articles

• How Can I Tell A Friend She’s Vain? (fightlikegirls.wordpress.com)
• Sluggard (mitchjaeger.wordpress.com)

Why You Should Hang Out With People You Don’t Like

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Christmas is this weekend. Time for food, presents, and, of course, family.

Does that make you smile? Or cringe?

Chances are, if you’re anything like the rest of us, there are at least one or two people in your family or extended family that you can’t stand. That uncle who drinks way too much. That aunt who has nothing nice to say about anyone. That cousin who has to one-up everyone they come in contact with.

It’s hard to be around people that we don’t like. When we imagine the picture perfect holiday, those people are usually absent from the shot.

Wouldn’t it be easier to just stay home with the people you like?

Yes.

But is that right?

 

“You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.” – Matthew 5:14-16

 

Sure it’s easier to stay home where things are safe and comfortable. Sure it’s easier to surround yourself with like-minded Christians who you feel like you have everything in common with.

But what good is light where there is already light?

There are dark places in your life. There are people you know who are stumbling around without a clue as to what life really is. And you, tough girl, get to be light to these people.

It certainly isn’t easy. You will be mocked and made fun of. You will be ignored. People will go out of their way to make you uncomfortable, seeing how far they can push you before you crack or give up all together. But that doesn’t change the fact that we’re called to be light.

Question: Who can you be light to this Christmas? Who in your family is hard to love that you can go out of your way to show the fruit of the Spirit to (Gal. 5:22-23)? Who have you complained about seeing that you should be praying for instead?

The Best of How To Fight Like A Girl: 3

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Good Things Come

With all of our gumption and gusto, we as kick butt girls have a problem. Well, we have lots of problems J But this is a problem all girls share. And it’s called waiting.

We hate it.

We live in a world where we want what we want and we want it now. If I don’t know the answer to the question, I Google it or text ChaCha. If I’m hungry, I speed through a drive thru or pop something in the microwave. OnDemand, Amazon, and about a million other things have made it so we can have what we want almost instantly.

So what if we can’t get it?

We pout. We cry. We get angry, frustrated, and wonder why in the world things aren’t working out how we want.

This last weekend, one of the high schools in my area had Homecoming. A super fun time of dressing up, going out to eat, and maybe even celebrating a first date.

But then there are those kick butt girls who didn’t get asked. Who sit at home and wonder, “What in the world is wrong with me? Where’s my night out? Where’s my Prince Charming?”

Let me tell you something, kick butt girl: Prince Charming isn’t in high school. He isn’t dating a cheerleader or starring in the school play.

He’s hidden inside those guys roaming your halls. And what’s going to bring him out? Not a short skirt or a flirty move.

It’s waiting. Waiting for him to grow up. Waiting for him to mature. Waiting for him to figure out who he is and who God has called him to be.

So the next time you feel yourself drifting down the “I hate being single” highway, stop. U-turn. And remember that your Prince Charming is out there.

And the longer you wait, the more charming he will be. And that’s what you deserve.

This blog was originally posted on October 4, 2010

The New And Improved You

Chances are, if you struggle in relationships with guys, you struggle in your relationship with, well, you. You probably feel insecure. Desperate for attention. Confused. Unstable. Unsure.

Well, I’m here to tell you that that you is gone! You are a new creation in Christ!

What were you before? Sinner. Screw up. Selfish. Prideful. Lustful. Bound by guilt, shame, and remorse.

Guess what? That you is gone. You’re a new creation. Before you move forward in a relationship with a guy, embrace the new and improved you.

I am God’s child
“But to all who did receive Him, who believed in His name, He gave the right to become children of God” – John 1:12

I am God’s workmanship
“For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for His good works, which God prepared before hand, that we should walk in them.” – Ephesians 2:10

I am God’s friend
“No longer do I call you servants…but I have called you friends.” – John 15:15

I am chosen and adopted
“…even has He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before Him. In love He predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of His will.” – Ephesians 1:4-5

I am loved by God
“By this we know love, that He laid down His life for us…” – 1 John 3:16

I am forgiven by God
“And you, who were dead in your trespasses and the uncirumcision of your flesh, God made alive together with Him, having forgiven us all our trespasses by canceling the record of debt that stood against us with its legal demands. This He set aside, nailing it to the cross.” – Colossians 2:13-14

I am complete in Christ
“…and you have been filled in Him, who is the head of all rule and authority.” – Colossians 2:10

I am washed, justified, and sanctified by Christ
“And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.” – 1 Corinthians 6:11

I am held forever in God’s hand
“My Father, who has given them to Me, is greater than all, and no one is able to snatch them out of the Father’s hand.” – John 10:29

I am a conqueror
“No, in all these things we are more that conquerors through Him who loved us.” – Romans 8:37

I am born again
“…since you have been born again, not of perishable seed but of imperishable, through the living and abiding word of God.” – 1 Peter 1:23

I am at peace with God
“Therefore since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ.” – Romans 5:1

I am strengthened by Christ
“I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.” – Philippians 4:13

I am unshakable
“I have set the Lord always before me; because He is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken.” – Psalm 16:8

Let those truths sink in. Bask in the sauna of God’s Word. Let His truth exfoliate you.

Question: Which of these “I am” verses really speaks to you? Is there one that you love that I didn’t include?

How To Become The Best Version of You This Decade

Read part 1 here
Read part 2 here
Read part 3 here

The last two weeks, we’ve talked about becoming the best you that God wants you to be. It’s a challenge to do something as opposed to getting by by doing nothing. We talked about making changes that matter and changes that stick this month and this year. Now it’s big picture time.

What does it look like to make an amazing change this decade?
1) Be strategic.
Break through the myth of adolescence that says this is your time in life to goof off, do whatever you want, and grow up later. You are capable of amazing things now, so come up with a plan and the steps to make it happen. BUT, when you do, don’t get it into your head that you are special for doing it. You’re just being what God wants every person your age to be.

2) Be focused.
What do you want for your future? What can you do to help prepare yourself for the future right now? Keep big goals in mind and use every day to bring you closer and closer to getting there.

3) Don’t be paralyzed.
Doing hard things and thinking about the future can feel overwhelming and scary. You may doubt that you are capable or wonder if it’s really what God wants for you. It’s not about some big booming voice telling you exactly what to do. Daily submission to God will get you to the heart of God’s will. The more intimately you know Him, the more you will know His will for your life. So keep moving forward! Step outside your comfort zone!

I don’t know about you, tough girl, but these are some of the most kick butt ideas I’ve ever heard! So simple, yet so incredible. So practical, yet so life-changing.

Question: How have these past few weeks challenged and inspired you? What are some differences you hope to see or are already seeing? What big things do you want for your future that you can prepare for today?

If you haven’t already, stop by The Rebelution. I promise, it will be worth your time!

How To Become The Best Version Of You

This past weekend, I got to go to the Do Hard Things conference in Portland, OR. (If you don’t know about Do Hard Things, click here to read the book review I posted a few weeks ago). It was an awesome day filled with tons of info and challenges.

One of the things that stood out the most was one of the brothers who said, “People think you’re a good kid if you do nothing. You don’t do drugs. You don’t sleep around. You don’t fail school. You don’t do anything…and that makes you a good kid.”

Is that you, tough girl? Are you coasting through life, considering yourself a “good” person because, in comparison to everyone else around you, you’re not doing the “bad” things they’re doing? Are you a good person because you’re known for doing nothing?

Let me challenge you, girl – DO SOMETHING! Don’t just get by with avoiding sin. Get up, move, and turn your “good” life into something amazing and extraordinary.

The verse of the conference was that typical youth verse:

“Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers and example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity.” – 1 Timothy 4:12

 

Did you hear that? You don’t set example by doing nothing and avoiding things. You set an example by doing something!
Setting an example in speech by doing nothing looks like not cursing, not gossiping, not talking back, and not complaining.

Setting an example in speech by doing something looks like encouraging people, giving people Bible verses, and standing up for truth.

Setting an example in conduct by doing nothing looks like not doing “bad” things like drinking, drugs, sex, skipping school…the list goes on and on.

Setting an example in conduct by doing something looks like being generous, doing things for other people, working as hard as you can and then some…the list goes on and on.

Setting an example in love by doing nothing looks like not being mean and not neglecting your responsibilities

Setting an example in love by doing something looks like going out of your way to be kind, demonstrating selflessness and sacrifice, serving others, being a good listener…and initiating those things, not waiting for people to ask you.

Setting an example in purity by doing nothing like like not dressing like a slut, not having sex, and not watching inappropriate things.

Setting an example in purity by doing something looks like encouraging your friends to dress more conservatively, promoting things that have a pure and positive message, working at having relationships that celebrate purity in every single area.

Question: What are you known for: doing nothing, or doing something? What can you do to do more?

For the next two weeks, I’ll share some of the practical ideas they had to make this kind of stuff not only happen but stick.

PS – Alex and Brett Harris have an awesome website called The Rebelution. Check it out for more great ways to do hard things.

Related articles

• Moody Publishers’ Blogger Review: “Uncompromising” by Hannah Farver (onedesertrose.wordpress.com)
• We have to embrace REBELUTION (reinehere.wordpress.com)
• 1st Timothy 4:12 (youthofeternity.wordpress.com)

How To Be “Just Friends”

Image by Center for Jewish History, NYC via Flickr

 

If you’re a single kick butt girl, chances are you struggle with this issue when it comes to your guy friends. It’s really hard to not want more with one of them (or, in many cases, more than one of them). You don’t want to like them, but you just can’t help yourself! Here are some tips to help keep your head and heart in check.

Avoid alone time together
When you spend time alone with a guy friend, he seems perfect. Every word he says is deep and godly. He’s a perfect gentlemen. You suddenly forget all those glaring faults that he exhibits when he’s in large groups. If you find yourself falling for him every time it’s just you and him, avoid those times! Make sure you’re always in groups. Let a girl friend know about your struggles so she can be your third when you need it. And never let him drive you home at night. That’s when girls are at their weakest

Don’t make him out to be better than he is
No guy is perfect. If you think he is, you’re kidding yourself. This might seem harsh, but think about that guy you are struggling with and think of his faults. It will really help bring you back to earth. Be real with yourself and recognize the ways you build him up in your mind.

Don’t make him out to be worse than he is
In an incredibly elementary school fashion, I’ve seen way too many girls try and combat their feelings by bad mouthing the guy behind his back. Not only will that not help your raging emotions, it’s mean. So don’t. In fact, avoid talking about him all together. That’s a pretty safe bet to guard your heart

Focus on your girl friends
If you find yourself constantly wanting to hang out with a guy you’re trying to be just friends with, replace it with investing in your girl friends. Text them instead. Initiate time with them instead. Make plans with them instead.

Keep conversations light
Girls fall head over heels for a guy who talks about things like sanctification and predestination with passion. If every time you talk to him, you turn to goo as soon as he busts out some systematic theology, avoid those deep conversations. That’s not to say that you can’t talk about your faith. But keep it light. Recognize your weak spots and protect yourself.

Keep conversations bright
The worst time to hang out with a guy is after ten o’clock at night. Your defenses are down and suddenly everything he says and does has your mind whirling with romantic possibilities. So confine yourself to spending time with him during the day.

Stop the day dreams
If you find your mind drifting to a particular guy that you are fighting feelings for, say a quick prayer for him, then move your thoughts to something else. Pick a verse that you will work on memorizing. Pick some other people to pray for. Text a friend. Read a chapter of a book. Don’t let your mind and heart dwell on him.

Treat him like a friend
Sounds simple, right? But it’s a huge thing! Don’t look at him as a potential husband or boyfriend. Don’t doodle your initials together. Don’t talk to other people about him like the two of you have a super special relationship. Treat him like a friend.

Be patient
Sure, something may happen in the future. But don’t hold your breath. If he’s the guy for you, he will take the first step. He will make things happen. Don’t rush God’s timing. Be patient. Enjoy friendships. Don’t expect more out of him because there never may be…and that’s not a bad thing.

Question: What are some things you’ve found yourself doing that make it harder to be “just friends” with a guy? What are some things you do to help you protect your heart?

Do You Treat Guys Like Meat?

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Your answer is, “No, of course not!” But think about it for just a minute.

Something all girls hate is feeling lusted after. Having a guy you don’t know whistle at you when you walk by. Or that jerk in English who looks everywhere but your face. You hate when guys talk about girls like we exist just for their pleasure.

And girls never do that…do we?

What’s your first thought when you meet a nice guy? Or a cute guy? Or, worst of all, a nice, cute, Christian guy? I’d wager to bet it isn’t something totally innocent and friendship based. From zero to sixty in half a second, most girls go from “Hello” to thinking about dating. Is he “the one?” Does he have a girlfriend? What can I do to let him know I’m interested? Wait…what was his name again?

Tough girl, stop it! I’m not here to give some lecture on how those guys are your brothers in Christ or that they could be someone else’s future husband. I’m saying stop because that’s just weird!

No girl wants to feel like a guy is lusting after her. And, while wanting to date isn’t exactly lusting, it straight up scares guys when they see a girl moving that fast mentally.

If your mind moves that fast, I guarantee that actions will soon follow. Being the one who initiates texts. Stalking him on Facebook. Sitting by him whenever you can. Pursuing him. Right off the bat, you’re setting yourself up for failure. You’re taking the reigns out of his hands and setting the standard that you are the one making things happen. That will leave you with two things: a relationship where a guy doesn’t peruse you because he doesn’t think he has to since you’ve done all the work or it will leave you with reigns in your hand and no horse because your guy just ran away screaming.

Next time you meet or a new guy, or even if this brought to mind guys you know now and have gone down this path with, slow down! Take a deep breath, calm that insane brain of yours, and get your emotions in check. If he’s a guy that God has for you, He and he (God and guy) will make it happen. Don’t torture yourself with letting your feelings run wild. You’re a sinner, remember?

Question: What kind of guy makes you lose all sense of sanity and reason? What steps could you take to slow yourself down?

The Daily Set List For Finding Joy

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Are you convicted yet about seeking out joy and working hard to make it happen? (If not, read my post from Monday and maybe you will be.)

 

What are some ways that you can make it happen? If joy had a daily set list, it might look something like this:

 

Set your alarm

Okay, maybe you’re sick of me saying this blog after blog. But, tough girl, it’s the truth! God has blessed us with twenty-four hours a day. Six to eight of those are spent sleeping. But we need to do awesome things with the rest of them! Setting your alarm and getting up at a decent time (I’d say between 8 and 9am…7 if you’re super tough) is the best way to start off your joy seeking day.

 

Set goals

What do you want to get done this summer? If you haven’t made goals already, you should. (Can I make a plug for the Tough Girl Summer Challenge here? It’s not too late to start!) Don’t waste this time. Here’s a quick tip: Write your goals down! You are far more likely to follow through on something if you write it down.

 

Set a to-do list

Each day, write down what you want to do. A kick-butt girl I know starts off every morning with getting a list of chores from her mom. She does them right away, then has the rest of the day to do whatever she wants. Write down what you need to get done that day, then do it! Check them off and revel in the beauty of responsibility and the wonderful feeling of accomplishment.

 

Set time apart for Jesus

The first thing on my daily to-do list is reading my Bible. Before I check my email. Before I turn on the TV. Before I do anything, I try and read my Bible. I’m certainly not perfect every day, but I can guarantee that your day will feel a whole lot more joyful if you start it with Jesus.

 

Set your DVR

Seems silly, right? Well, how many of your days are sucked up by watching junk TV? Set your DVR to record one or two shows a day that you want to watch. Watch them only when your to-do list is all checked off. Save your brain cells from the destruction of vegging out on the couch. If you don’t have DVR, then make it a goal to not turn on the TV until what you really want to watch is on.

 

Set dates

Schedule hang out times with your friends ahead of time. In face, make Monday McKenzie day, Tuesday Tabitha day, Wednesday Whitney day (you know what I mean). It can be disappointing when you try and make spur of the moment plans and no one is available. It can also be disappointing when you get together with your friends and suddenly realize you have nothing to do. So set dates, make plans, and schedule in some fun!

 

Set your mind on things above

The last and most important part of the set list is the motivation.

 

“Set your minds on things above, not on things that are on earth.” – Colossians 3:2

 

Remember why you are doing the things you are doing. What eternal impact are they having? How are they helping you grow? How are they glorifying Christ?

 

Joy is right at your fingertips. Set your mind to make it happen.

Related articles

• 7 Ways to Have Fun and Joy in Your Life: No Currency Needed (lifeprocoach.wordpress.com)
• Daily Promises – July 15 (sharinhislove.wordpress.com)
• Joy in Everything? (jimf.wordpress.com)

Book Review: Do Hard Things by Alex and Brett Harris

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During my day with Jesus last Monday, I read and pretty much finished the book Do Hard Things by Alex and Brett Harris. It’s one of the books that I recommended for the five book challenge that’s part of the Tough Girl Summer Challenge. But, I no longer recommend it.

 

I highly recommend it. No, more than that. I demand it for every single girl who would even think of calling themselves a kick butt a girl!

 

Alex and Brett are incredibly smart and articulate homeschooled brothers who, at the age of sixteen, began a website called The Rebolution. The goal of the Rebolution is simple: shake teenagers out of the lazy mold of low expectations that society has labeled them with and show them what amazing world changers they can be.

 

The brothers challenge their readers with the idea that teenagers and young adults shouldn’t wait for their lives to start. They shouldn’t spend these years goofing off, doing a whole lot of nothing, thinking they will grow up some day.

 

That time is now. The book is full of examples and encouragements to do hard things right this very second. Big things. Small things. Ordinary and extraordinary things. Just do something.

 

Honestly, I wish I’d read this book when I was younger. I was one of those typical lazy, selfish, self-centered, procrastinating teens. It wasn’t until Jesus shook me awake in college that my life changed. Oh, how I wish I could go back and do it all again! Even as a thirty-year-old, I found this book convicting.

 

Ladies, READ THIS BOOK! If I could encourage you with one book outside of this summer to read (besides the Bible) it would be this one. I promise, your life will not be the same!

 

Have any of you read it already? Do you agree with the idea that our  society has low expectations on teenagers and, as a result, you find yourself living up (or down) to those low expectations? What are some hard things that you’ve already done?

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• Do Hard Things (leavingachristlikelegacy.wordpress.com)