When Staying Home Is Bad For You

“When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways.” – 1 Corinthians 13:11

It’s Christmas break time! I love this time of year because so many amazing college girls who’ve gone off for untold adventure are home for a few weeks, regaling us all with tales of dorm life, crazy professors, and killer finals.

But, as this season blows in, something else stirs beneath the surface. Something sinister that threatens this beautiful time with feelings of anger, sorrow, discontent, and fear.

I call it – homesickness.

This homesickness isn’t what you typically think of as homesickness. It can manifest itself in a couple of ways.

The “I hate my college life and never want to go back” homesickness. These are the people that went off to school and were slapped up one side and down the other with a harsh dose of reality. All of a sudden they realize people aren’t generally nice or good (argument for total depravity? I think so!) Nobody cares about them like their parents do. Sharing living space the size of a sardine can with a stranger is worse than they could have ever imagined. They just want to come home…and stay home.

And then there’s the “I never left for college and, when my college friends come home, it makes me want to curl into a ball and pretend like I’m not missing out on anything by not changing anything in my life” homesickness. These are the ones who went to community college or simply got a job. Now, there’s nothing wrong with that. But they are so comfortable in the lives they’ve lead up to this point, they refuse to change. They don’t want to move out of their childhood bedroom. They don’t want to risk going anywhere. They don’t want to do anything on their own because, frankly, that’s kind of scary.

Do you know one of these people? Are you one of these people? Is your home literally making you sick regarding the life you lead? Here are some suggestions.

-Pray. Isn’t that where it always starts? But don’t do a, “God my life is miserable – change it,” prayer. Or a, “God, this is what I want, so make it happen,” prayer. But try a, “God, you know what I need more than I do. God, you know the plans you have for my life more than I do. Help me to get on board with your will, whatever it may be.”

-Talk to someone who’s been there. This is the benefit of having older, godly people in your life. Bring up your concerns and ask for their advice. Take it to heart, knowing you can trust them.

-Soak in the Word. The Bible is full of people just like you. People who were thrown into a situation that they hated and needed to persevere (Daniel, Ruth, Jeremiah). People who were scared of change and risk, but knew they needed to do it (Moses, Joseph, Gideon). When is the last time you read about someone in the Bible and thought, “That’s just what I need to do!”

-Don’t be rash. Should you stay? Should you go? This isn’t a decision that can be made in an emotional instant. Pray. Talk. Soak. Repeat. Don’t expect an answer over night, but don’t give up until you get one that you, your parents, and your godly mentors all have peace about.

My last bit of wisdom: Grow up. If you want to leave school because it’s hard, know that life from this point is hard. At one point, you’re going to have to stick through something that you just don’t want to do. Maybe this is it.

If you want to stay home because you’re scared to make new friends, live on your own, and find a new church, get over it. Once we become complacent and comfortable in life, we stop growing. You don’t want to be one of those kidults who refuses to grow up, living with their parents, never really moving into adulthood.

All that to say, maybe God is calling you to leave school. Maybe leaving in the first place really and truly wasn’t the best thing for you. Maybe God is calling you stay home, to help out your parents, and to save money.

The question is, have you prayed about it? Have you laid your fears, worries, and wants at His feet? Have you asked yourself, “What would a grown-up do?”

Question: Where in your life are you miserable right now? Is it a time to persevere or a time to change? Where in your life are you comfortable right now? Is it a time to enjoy, or a time to shake things up?

Related articles

• 9 Ways to Handle Homesickness (usnews.com)
• 3 Ways for Parents to Support a Homesick College Student (usnews.com)
• 5 Ways for College Students to Survive Being Homesick (usnews.com)

How To Become The Best Version of You This Decade

Read part 1 here
Read part 2 here
Read part 3 here

The last two weeks, we’ve talked about becoming the best you that God wants you to be. It’s a challenge to do something as opposed to getting by by doing nothing. We talked about making changes that matter and changes that stick this month and this year. Now it’s big picture time.

What does it look like to make an amazing change this decade?
1) Be strategic.
Break through the myth of adolescence that says this is your time in life to goof off, do whatever you want, and grow up later. You are capable of amazing things now, so come up with a plan and the steps to make it happen. BUT, when you do, don’t get it into your head that you are special for doing it. You’re just being what God wants every person your age to be.

2) Be focused.
What do you want for your future? What can you do to help prepare yourself for the future right now? Keep big goals in mind and use every day to bring you closer and closer to getting there.

3) Don’t be paralyzed.
Doing hard things and thinking about the future can feel overwhelming and scary. You may doubt that you are capable or wonder if it’s really what God wants for you. It’s not about some big booming voice telling you exactly what to do. Daily submission to God will get you to the heart of God’s will. The more intimately you know Him, the more you will know His will for your life. So keep moving forward! Step outside your comfort zone!

I don’t know about you, tough girl, but these are some of the most kick butt ideas I’ve ever heard! So simple, yet so incredible. So practical, yet so life-changing.

Question: How have these past few weeks challenged and inspired you? What are some differences you hope to see or are already seeing? What big things do you want for your future that you can prepare for today?

If you haven’t already, stop by The Rebelution. I promise, it will be worth your time!

How To Become The Best Version of You This Year

Read part 1 here
Read part 2 here

This is continuing our conversation about making change that matters and helping it stick. First we talked about the need to do something as opposed to coasting through life by doing nothing. Then, it was all about making change that sticks this month. Now we’re looking a little broader.

What does it look like to make an amazing change this year?
1) Commit to doing ordinary things extraordinarily well.
You can’t expect to be a world changer if you can’t even make up your bed. So commit to keeping your room clean, helping out around the house, doing your homework every night, and reading your Bible every day. You have to be disciplined in little things in order to be trusted with big things.

2)Say ‘no’ to conflicting obligations.

“…Let us lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us.” – Hebrews 12:1

God doesn’t give us conflicting obligations. If you find yourself harried, exhausted, and stressed, you’ve probably taken on something that you need to let go of. God give us enough time and energy to do what HE wants us to do.

3)After you’ve done 1 and 2, look for opportunities to grow and be challenged.
It’s a good thing to challenge yourself, step outside of your comfort, and do hard things. Just make sure the rest of your life is in check first and that you’ve gotten into the habit of doing not-so-hard things well.

Question: What ordinary things can you do extraordinarily? What things might God be calling you to let go of? What might He be calling you to pick up?

Just a friendly reminder to check out The Rebelution!

Stop Grunting!

Image via Wikipedia

 

Do you know how apples grow?

 

I lived in a place that had an abundance of apple trees. They’re actually pretty ugly in the winter – barren with their gnarled limbs scratching at the sky. But, come spring, beautiful pink flowers cover those ugly limbs.

 

Then come the little apple buds.

 

It’s kind of funny to watch them. Squeezing. Straining. Grunting. Willing themselves to grow. Covered in little drops of apple juice as they huff and puff and try and make themselves into apples.

 

Really?

 

If you not only pictured that but actually believed the story, you need to get out of your urban bubble and spend a little more time in nature.

 

Apples don’t grunt. They don’t strain. They don’t push and strive to become what they were made to be. They grow, fed and nurtured by the tree they’re attached to.

 

You, tough girl, need to stop grunting.

 

We all have areas that we need to grow. A lot. Sometimes, the more we need to grow, the harder we try. The problem is, we suck at growing. We work hard, cut things out, add things in, follow every bit of advice, five-step-plan, and religious activity people suggest until we’re red in the face, tired, and right back where we started.

 

“Abide in Me, and I in you. As a branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in Me. I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in Me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing.” – John 15:4-5

Is there something about you that you want to change? Abide. Don’t grunt. Don’t keep trying different tricks. Abide. Spend time with Jesus. Spend time in His Word. Spend time with people who can teach you more about Him.

 

We grow when we’re tapped into the Vine, not by trying harder and harder.

 

Are you grunting in life right now? How can you abide and grow?

 

What’s Your Motive?

Image by hj91 via Flickr

“Each day I keep asking myself Am I reading my Bible to be close to Jesus? Or to check it off on Facebook?”

This question from a high school student this last week didn’t surprise me. In fact, I’ve asked myself the same thing. When I read my Bible, am I doing it because I love it? Because I want to be filled with the Holy Spirit, the wisdom that the Lord longs to give me, and the conviction and life change that I know He wants to bring?

 

Sometimes.

 

But sometimes it’s something to do because I feel like I have to do it. It’s just something else on my check list and, if I don’t do it, I’ll feel guilty.

 

So what should you do when your motives for reading your Bible aren’t holy? When you drag yourself to church not because you want to but because you feel like you have to? When you are singing worship songs with your mouth and not your heart?

 

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us…” – Hebrews 12:1

There would be no need to run with endurance if the race wasn’t hard, if life was simply some leisurely stroll where we felt good and happy all the time.

 

Endurance. Perseverance. Commitment. All of these words speak of the need to keep going even when you don’t want to. When you aren’t “feeling it.”

 

Now, I’m not saying Jesus wants you to stay there. If you go a month straight reading the Word every day and get nothing out of it, check your heart. You’ll probably find some hardness there. But a day or two where you aren’t feeling especially Christian? Well, that happens to all of us.

 

The question is, what will you do about it? Give up? Stay lazy and apathetic? Or persevere?

 

Have you read your Bible today?

 

Do You Have A Dream?

Image via Wikipedia

As an African-American, I have a whole lot of love for today – celebrating a man with an amazing dream and the courage, perseverance, and faith to see it through. Without Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. and the other amazing leaders of the civil rights movement, I probably wouldn’t be writing this blog today.

Martin Luther King had a dream.

Rosa Parks had a dream.

Frederick Douglas, Sojourner Truth, Harriet Tubman and Malcolm X all had dreams.

Do you have a dream?

Do you have something that drives you? A passion? A vision for justice? A vision for peace? Is there something that makes your heart ache? Something that makes it hard to sleep at night because you want to see a change so badly?

You should.

“For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain. If I am to live in the flesh, that means fruitful labor for me…” – Philippians 1:21-22

“I charge you in the presence of God and of Christ Jesus…preach the word; be ready in season and out of season; reprove, rebuke, and exhort, with complete patience and teaching.” – 2 Timothy 4:1-2

“Go, therefore, and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you…” – Matthew 28:19-20

Believe it or not, you have something in common with these people in history who have made monumental ripples that changed the world forever: you’re human. You are a person with a voice and a heart and a mind. You have the ability to do great things because God has both empowered you and called you.

Do you have a dream to see people at your school living their lives for Christ? Do you have a dream to see girls stop dressing and acting in impure ways just to get a guys’ attention? Do you have a dream to see poor people in your community have a hot meal, warm clothes, and a bed to sleep in?

If you don’t have a dream, get one. Pray for passion, for vision, and a heart for something.

If you do have a dream, what are you doing about it?

Dr. King used to be a teenager. Rosa Parks didn’t have a lot of money. Sojourner Truth, Fredrick Douglas, and Harriet Tubman didn’t have the freedom to do whatever they wanted. But that didn’t stop them from dreaming, hoping, praying, and taking action.

What are you doing with the dreams that God has given you?

One and Only! One and Lonely?

photo by Jourdan Ecthle

Are you a weirdo? A freak? Do people roll their eyes when they see you coming or whisper and laugh behind your back? Do you get mocked and made fun of?

You should.

Kick butt girls aren’t like other girls. They don’t do things just because everyone else is doing them. They don’t compromise, bend the rules, or go with the flow when it’s rolling the wrong direction.

Kick butt girls stand out. They stand up for what they believe in. The set the bar incredibly high and aren’t afraid to say, “no” when someone or something doesn’t measure up.

But it’s hard standing out. It’s hard sitting at home when all your friends are out having “fun.” It’s hard feeling like a wet blanket, a goody two shoes, or a prude. And it’s so tempting to compromise when you feel like you’re the only one like you.

You’re not.

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith…” – Hebrews 12:1-2

See, you’re not alone. The Bible is full of people just like you. The freaks. The weirdoes. The stand outs. You aren’t the first and won’t be the last.

So go ahead and stand out, uncompromisingly living as a geeky wet blanket. Dive into the Bible to remind yourself that, no, you aren’t alone and, yes, you’re running the race well. And get some kick butt weirdo friends so you can stand out together.

But don’t compromise. A kick butt girl is always and forever proud of the choices she makes and the way she lives.

The One Legged Wonder

My youngest son just finished his first year of preschool. In his class, he made a little blond friend who stood about six inches taller than him. But his freakish four year old height isn’t what stands out about this boy.

He only has one leg.

After suffering an accident, this little boy who was born with two perfectly fine legs only has one.

But he’s hardly handicapped.

First off, the leg is black with red, yellow and orange flames shooting up the sides. That in and of itself makes him the envy of every boy from three to thirteen. Second is the fact that he is wicked fast. The other day he told my son he wanted to race but that he would let my kid win because, quote, “I’m a lot faster than you. I have trophies and you don’t. I want you to be a winner too.”

Too often, tough girls, our toughness gets diminished because we complain. We get weighed down by our circumstances. We cry out at God at the things that life has thrown us. But in all actuality, every bad thing to come along – be it big or small – can be used by God for good. Everything we would complain about, we would call unfair, we would let handicap us can be used to strengthen us, grow us, and toughen us up.

“…that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection, and may SHARE IN HIS SUFFERINGS, becoming like Him in death.” – Philippians 3:10

We aren’t handicapped. We’re becoming like Jesus as we suffer and learn to depend on Him more and more.

So stop complaining and start running hard, flame leg and all.