How Can I Tell A Friend She’s Vain?

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Dear Crystal,

I have a friend who is beautiful. She’s smart, funny, and has tons going for her. But she’s a little too into her appearance. When she spends the night, she takes, like, an hour in the bathroom to get ready. She wears a ton of make-up. And, any time she passes by a mirror, she has to look at herself and fix her hair.

How do I tell her that she’s being vain? That she cares way too much about her appearance? Should I even say anything?

Sincerely, A Fashion Worried Friend

Dear Fashion Worried Friend,

I think we’ve all had friends like that. Or maybe even a sister. They have so much going for them, we wonder why in the world they’re hiding behind a mask of makeup and curling irons. So what is a good meaning friend to do?

Set a good example
Before you talk to her, take a good look at yourself. How into your appearance are you? How much time do you spend getting ready in the morning? How much time do you spend talking about your clothes, or even other people’s clothes? If you want to see her change in a good way, start off by changing yourself in a good way.

Challenge her
Invite her over for a sleep over. Make some fun DIY face masks (you know, oatmeal, avocado, the whole bit). After you do your facials, put on p.j.s and don’t put on makeup. Rock a ponytail, have fun, and remind her that you don’t have to be a fashion diva to have fun and feel good about yourself. And an extra challenge? Try to get out and do something the next morning without putting on make-up or doing your hair. An idea for that is to go on a walk and end up at Starbucks.

Build her up
When you see her, compliment any less-is-more strides that she takes. Tell her how great she looks when she wears her hair naturally. At the end of the day when her lipstick has worn off or first thing in the morning before she goops up her eyes with eyeliner, tell her how great she looks.

Find the root
Chances are, all the attention to outward appearance has to do with an inner insecurity. Is there something else going on there? Maybe she’s feeling like she has to compete with her friends. Or maybe she’s trying to impress guys. Whatever the root cause, talk to her and figure it out. Then give her godly, Biblical love and Scriptures that have to do with finding your fullness and satisfaction in Christ.

Be careful
If you want to sit down and have a heart-to-heart with your friend or sister, make sure it isn’t just a rag session. Tell her all the wonderful qualities she has and that you don’t want to see those things diminished by having too much focus on her outer appearance. And make sure you have the right to speak into her life. If you aren’t really that close to her, a heart-to-heart will probably come off as condescending and critical.

Question: What are some things you’ve done to spend less time on your physical image? Is there any part of your fashion routine that you could cut out to let your natural beauty show? Any make-up you could stop wearing or hair styles you could change?

Related articles

• Frugal Beauty: How to Look Good on a Budget (getrichslowly.org)

Marked By Beauty

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As school starts up again, what will be the first thing that people notice about you? Is it your sweet new Buckle jeans? Maybe that awesome tan you can’t wait to show off? Have you gotten taller and slimmer? Are you wearing more makeup?

Something about the first day of school brings out a desire to show off. Even if you are at the same school you were last year, it’s like a fresh start to make a new impression. So what is the most important thing you’re going to put on?

“Do not let your adorning be external – the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear – but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.” – 1 Peter 3:3-4

I’m certainly not advocating for a no-hair-style, jewelry-less fashion trend. But it does bring up the question – what are people seeing? Do they pay more attention to your clothes, or your kindness? Do they notice your make-up, or you attitude?

Are you marked by outer beauty, which anyone in the world can reproduce? Or inner beauty, which comes only from intimacy with Jesus?

Do you spend more time in the morning making your outward appearance beautiful, or your spirit beautiful?

I love shopping. I love new clothes. I love new shoes more than I should love any material object. But I also know that it isn’t what I want people to notice the most about me. I don’t want to them to leave talking about my cute hair or my cute clothes. I want to leave with them the impression of someone who loves Jesus, spends time with Him, and cares more about His opinion than theirs.

That’s the kind of beauty I want to be marked by. What about you?

Question: What things do you to work on your inner beauty? What kind of things can you do to make sure your inner beauty is shining brighter than your outer beauty?

Related articles

• Turn Up the Heat on My Beauty! (jessthewayitis.wordpress.com)
• Beauty Is Deeper Than Skin (completelydevoted.wordpress.com)

The Summer Of Skirts

With Memorial Day in the rearview mirror, that means it’s officially summer! Well, by some standards. My neck of the woods is still in the 50’s and 60’s.

 

Regardless, summer speaks of fun, sun, and heat. And, of course, pulling out all those cute summer clothes. But, as kick butt girls know, the word “cute” should be struck from our vocabularies. What’s “cute” to us is hot, sexy, and tempting for the guys around us.

 

So how is a tough girl supposed to dress for summer in a way that is modest, yet not stifling amidst the heat?

 

Let me suggest to you, ladies, that you join me in declaring this the summer of skirts! Now, please understand, I’m not motioning for a move to shapeless denim that looks like something from Little House on The Prairie. I’m thinking of something a little more like this…

Or this…

Or long dresses like these…

(though Misha Barton could use a little more on top, don’t you think?)

 

So, why the summer of skirts?

 

Skits are feminine

That whole “I want to be cute!” thing we struggle with? Skirts are elegant, feminine, and scream I’m a girl!

 

Skirts are cool

Literally. If you’re worried about overheating in jeans or capris this summer, skirts are a great way to cover up, yet keep your body cool.

 

Skirts can be modest

I had to add the “can be” in there because, of course, there are skirts and dresses that are far from modest (Seriously, Misha! How much do you need to show?) But, for the most part, they cover up what needs to be covered up to be a modest kick butt kind of girl

 

Skirts are cheap

You can find them almost anywhere for any price in your budget. They’re a great thing to buy used, too. Or maybe this is the summer you get super domestic and try to make your own. If you do, let me know…I can barely sew on a button

 

Skirts are much better than the alternative

Always keep in mind that, when you are showing skin, that is where guys are going to look. Arms. Back. Stomach. Legs. When you wear short shorts, guys stare at your legs…and follow them up. Skirts cover all that up in a chic way that displays just enough to celebrate summer (i.e. adorable pedicure laden toes) but keep attention away from those tempting areas.

 

So, what do you say? Care to join me in the summer of skirts? If you’re not a skirt person, let me challenge to try one. Just one flowy skirt. They can be worn with any kind of top – even t-shirts. You can wear them with sneakers, sandals, or heels. They aren’t super practical for hiking or manual labor, but are fine for everything else.

 

Will you give it a try?

Related articles

• My Summer Fashion Must-Have’s (fashiometics.wordpress.com)
• Pleats (fashionhogger.wordpress.com)
• How to wear this season’s maxi skirts (fitnessfoodandfashion.com)

Double Your Wardrobe

If you’re anything like me, you have at least one morning a week where you open your closet, sigh, and wish for more clothes. More options. Something new.

 

And also, if you’re anything like me, you have to fight back the urge to go out and splurge on clothes you know you don’t really need.

 

So what’s a girl to do?

 

A couple high school ladies and I were talking about this before church on Sunday. One of them came in an adorable dress cinched with a wide belt over some black leggings. We all told her how great she looked. She proceeded to turn up the bottom of the dress and show us it was reversible. Not only that, she often wore it tucked in as a shirt.

 

One item of clothing. Several possibilities.

 

How much more content would we be with our clothes if we stepped out of the box and tried something different with what we already have?

 

At thedailygreen.com, they styled a model wearing the same dress in ten different ways. These pictures are

just a few of them. Amazing what a pair of tights, a little jacket, some layers, and some jewelry can do!

As kick butt girls, we want to use what we have the best ways that we can. This applies not only to spiritual and life matters, but money as well. And dare I bring up that big “contentment” word?

 

What can you do to change up your wardrobe with what you already have? Does it seem fun or daunting to you?