I apologize for the lack of posts these last 2 weeks. I’ve been sick and therefore only have enough energy to spend hours on Pinterest and Facebook. So, as a little treat in this hiatus (hopefully I’ll be back to blogging next week) here is a little something to make you smile.
If you’ve never visited Hey Christian girl on tumblr, you should. You really should.
Have you seen those things on Pinterest that are “TV show” workout or “Movie” workout? It’s like every time something happens or someone says something, you’re supposed to do crunches or push-ups or something.
We need that regarding guys.
The Tough Girl’s “I’m Not Boy Crazy” Workout
You think about the next time you are going to see him - ten jumping jacks
You create a fantasy or imagine a situation between the two of you – pull out a Bible verse or two and focus on memorizing it. (like Colossians 3:17, Romans 12:2, Philippians 4:8)
You make plans to go out of your way to see him - go out of your way to re-connect with a friend you haven’t talked to in a while
You get jealous when you see him talking to another girl – pray for that girl…that God would bless her, not strike her down or make her break out
You write your first name with his last name – slap yourself. Seriously. That’s out of control.
You talk about him because…well, you like talking about him - jog in place while you stay silent for at least 60 seconds
You talk with his friends to see if they say anything about he feels about you – 5 push-ups and 5 crunches
Any other ways you can think of to combat a bad case of the boy-crazies?
It happens to the best of us. A relationship that is no more. Be it three years or three months, it still hurts. Sometimes, there isn’t even an “official” relationship – just a hope or a wish that never comes to fruition. Heartbreak hurts. A lot. So what’s a tough girl to do?
Remember: It’s not you, it’s him…and Him. If you’re going to claim that you believe God is totally sovereign and in control and that He’s totally good, then you have to trust His timing and His plans for your day to day life. If that means a break-up, that’s not a bad thing. It’s a God thing. It means God has something else for you right now. You don’t need to beat yourself up, worrying about what you did wrong, what you could have done better, or what you need to change about yourself. Instead, seek the One who made your heart and ask Him to fill it in the way only He can.
Don’t jump on the Horrible Ex train. It’s tempting to want to slam the guy who hurt you. But don’t be that girl. Bite your tongue and hold back all the horrible things you want to say about him, the embarrassing stories you want to share, and that desire to cut him down in front of anyone who will listen. If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.
Don’t idolize him. Like a wounded puppy who seeks approval from the foot that kicked it, too many girls build up ex boyfriends or crushes in their heads and hearts, making him out to be a saintly Adonis. He’s not. No guy is that perfect. And, if you’re not together, he’s not perfect for you. So don’t try and fool yourself into thinking he is.
Don’t try and mend the hurt with another guy. Call it a rebound or whatever. It’s this weird compulsion girls have to get another guy as soon as one is out of their lives. Don’t. Let yourself get over it. Take time to heal and to grow. Enjoy intimate time with Jesus, who is longing to let you know that you don’t need a boyfriend to make you happy. Grow as an individual – as you - so you will be even stronger in your next relationship. But that takes time.
Make the best of this time. Spend time with your friends. Spend time with your family. Spend time with Jesus. Don’t sit around feeling sad or mad. Enjoy the amazing people God has surrounded you with and allow them a hand in healing your heart.
Above all, forgive. No one is perfect in a relationship. So don’t hold hurt that he caused against him. Forgive. Not for his sake – for yours.
“Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other, as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.” – Colossians 3:12-13
Question: How do you typically respond to heartbreak? What areas do you struggle to let go of? What do you think God can teach you through your broken heart?
Here’s how it typically works:
1) Meet a new guy.
2) Realize he’s cute.
3) Find out he’s Christian.
4) Find out he’s single.
5) Start planning your wedding.
This happens way more often than I’m sure you’d like to admit, tough girl. It’s difficult to not view every half decent guy that you meet as potential marriage material.
The problem? Girls can build up a guy in their hearts and minds within a week of meeting them. And these poor guys are completely clueless.
Can you imagine what he’d do if he got a glimpse into how far you’ve taken your “relationship” in your head? Let me give you a hint. It involves backing away slowly. Then running like crazy.
Tough girl, one the best skills you can learn in life is how to be a guy’s friend.
Learn to slow your heart down. Girls go from zero to obsessive in about one second. Slow it down! Just because he’s cute and Christian doesn’t mean he’s the one to put a ring on it. Remind yourself that you don’t want to waste any of your heart passion on a guy who isn’t the one. And, despite what every Disney movie tells you, you don’t know he’s “the one” the instant you meet him.
Learn to balance your time with him. As girls obsess over boys, they tend to want to be around them all the time. You know who you are. You figure out where he will be during the school day and change your route to be there too. Any time a group is getting something together, you make sure he’s going to be there. It gets to be that you don’t want to do anything or be anywhere if he isn’t there. Stop it! If you want to think about him less, spend less time with him, texting him, Facebook stalking him, or even regular stalking him.
Learn to stop talking about him. As girls obsess over boys, they talk about them. All. The. Time. If in every story you tell his name pops up, you are being both obsessive and annoying. It means he’s on your mind way more than he should be. So curb the stories you tell about him. Just because they make you feel closer to him doesn’t mean you actually are.
Learn to see him for who he is. When a girl likes a guy, he becomes close to perfect in her head. That’s a lot of pressure on him. No guy can live up to the perfect image of him you’ve build up in your head. Recognize his faults and short comings. Let them annoy you a little. It will help you keep your heart from going overboard.
Learn to let go of your claim on him. One of the worst things a girl can do is start to think of a guy as hers when he’s not. Suddenly you find yourself jealous and bitter toward other girls who are friends with him. Tough girl, he’s not yours. His attention, affection, and time have nothing to do with you. He can spend as much time as he wants with his boys. He can have other friends that are girls. If your heart is aching because you see him in the halls laughing with another girl, you’ve got to let that go.
Learn to enjoy being friends. If time spent with him feels strained because you’re reading into everything he says, trying to figure out the meaning behind every word he says and look he gives, you’re not being a good friend. Let him be him. Guys are not at ALL subtle. They either like you or they don’t. If he hasn’t come right out and said it, then don’t obsess over whether he does or doesn’t. Stick with doesn’t. That makes it so much easier to just enjoy him as a friend.
The right guy is out there for you. And, when he comes your way, he will do the work of romancing you and winning you over. Until that time, just enjoy this time of being friends with the guys you know.
Even if I don’t know you, tough girl, I know you.
You like boys. It’s part of our nature. Maybe you’re the type of girl who vocalizes every time a guy catches her attention, your friends struggling to keep straight who it is this week. Or maybe you’re the secret admirer type, pining over cute guys from afar. Or perhaps you’re that girl who claims to not be into anyone right now…which it totally a lie because you totally are.
Regardless of where you fall, this isn’t a blog about boys. Too often even the toughest of girls gets caught up in, “How can I find Mr. Right?” “Why is everyone dating but me?” “Are my standards too high?” “How do I know if he’s date-worthy?”
No, this isn’t a blog about boys. It’s a blog about you.
Imagine if all that time you spent thinking, daydreaming, wishing, hoping, praying, and obsessing was focused on yourself. What if, instead of worrying about finding him you worried about growing you.
“…but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves…” – 1 Peter 3:4-5
Instead of constantly trying to find Mr. Right, spend your time and energy on becoming Miss Right. Worry about being the kind of girl who deserves an amazing guy, not trying to find an amazing guy.
How is your relationship with God? Are you spending time reading your Bible, praying, and going to church? Does your heart beat for Him? Is your passion Christ driven?
How is your relationship with your parents? Are you gracious and respectful, even when you don’t want to be? Are you responsible enough to do your chores and keep your room clean? Have you learned the art of sacrifice and service?
How is your relationship with your friends? Do you practice kindness and discretion? Are your words uplifting? Do your friends know they are important to you? Are you surrounded by people who will lift you up and encourage you in your faith?
How are your relationships with guys? Are you practicing modesty and purity? Do you flirt with every guy you know? Do they see you as a godly woman worth pursing?
God’s timing and ways are perfect. He’ll bring the right guy at the right time. Remember – you only need one guy one time. Until that time, focus on yourself. Focusing on becoming the type of girl who deserves your dream guy.
Question: Are you more concerned with finding the right guy or becoming the right girl? What things help you be patient and content when it seems like everyone around you is dating? What areas of your life do you need to grow in to become more ready to date?
You deserve better than what you have right now.
Now, that may seem contradictory to things I’ve written in the past regarding contentment, but stick with me for a minute.
You deserve better than what you have right now because you have so much to look forward to in the future – namely, a perfect blissful eternity with Jesus. Which you aren’t going to get right now.
But what you do deserve right now is the glorious, God-glorifying life He has planned for you.
Do you believe that?
You deserve joy
“These things I have spoken to you, that My joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full.” – John 15:11
You deserve love
“By this we know love, that He laid down His life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers.” – 1 John 3:16
You deserve a super godly guy
“How can a young man keep his way pure? By guarding it according your word. With my whole heart I seek you; let me not wander from Your commandments!” – Psalm 119:9-10
You are worth all of that, tough girl. The problem is, not enough ladies believe this. They are willing to compromise and settle because they don’t know they are worth more. But they are.
You are.
You are worth daily living that feels like best day of summer vacation. A joy that won’t be shaken by anything or anyone. A hope that gets you through the toughest of times.
You are worth love that moves mountains. Friendships and friends that refresh you like lemonade. Love that fills you up so much, you can’t help but love other people because, if not, you’ll just burst!
You are worth a guy who reminds you of Jesus. He’s strong, sensitive, wise, considerate, thoughtful, and godly. He treats you like you are a princess, the daughter of a King. He’ll fight for you, protect you, and life you up.
You. Are. Worth it! Not because of anything that you’ve done, but because you have a Father in heaven who wanted to give it to you so badly, He died for it.
Question: Where do you most struggle with your value? Do you have any Bible verses that help you when you struggle? How does knowing your worth and value change the way you live your everyday life?
A kick butt tough girl who can find?
She is far more precious than the latest iPhone.
The heart of all guys trusts in her
Because she dresses with modest style.
She does them good and not harm
Treating them like brothers in Christ.
She works hard at everything she does
And helps out without being asked
She is like that awesome book series turned into a movie
Everyone wants to see her
She rises even when she’s tired
And cares more about spending time with Jesus than sleeping in
She isn’t wasteful with money
And prides herself on being content with less
She isn’t all about “stuff”
And would much rather give than receive
When she starts something, she finishes
Unless it’s a craft that got way too hard and out of control
She opens her hand to whoever needs it
And could care less about popularity
She is not afraid of photos, Facebooks, and text messages
Because her life isn’t ruled by them.
She covers herself while swimming in public
And can bend over while wearing shorts and not be embarrassed.
Her reputation is spread all over school
Of being kind, generous, joyful, and fun.
She makes friends and keeps them
Even when they drive her crazy.
Strength and dignity are her clothing
She could take out a ninja without breaking a sweat.
She opens her mouth with wisdom
And actually knows what she’s talking about.
She looks well in the eyes of her household
Because she’s also kick butt to her parents and siblings.
Her friends rise up and call her blessed
Because she’s there for them, keeps them accountable, and is a good friend.
Many girls have done excellently,
But you surpass them all.
Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,
but a kick butt tough girl who fears the Lord is to be praised.
Give her a hug, a pat on the back, or a finger sizzle
Because she makes Jesus smile by how she lives.
“What do you think about junior high boys?” a friend of mine asked her thirteen-year-old daughter.
With a glare, she replied. “They’re annoying. And perverted.”
“It’s not any better in high school,” her older sister chimed in.
What’s up with that? How could those creatures who draw so much of your attention and affection also repulse and bug you so much?
Easy – they’re guys. By nature they are different. And by nature, we can’t quite wrap our heads around that.
Tough girl, if this is you, READ THIS BOOK!!!!
For Young Women Only isn’t just a book written by a woman with an opinion about guys. It’s the result of years of research, surveys, and studies to really get what guys are thinking. When you read it, it’s like a light bulb clicks on. “Oh! So that’s why they do that!”
This book will change the way you think about guys. It will change some of those neurotic over-analytical things you think. It will change the way you dress. And it will well up in you a compassion you didn’t even know you had for these guys who are a whole lot more complex than you could have ever imagined.
Get it, tough girl. You won’t be sorry.
Does that sound like an oxymoron? Post break-up friends? Chances are you or someone you know has been really good friends with a guy. Then those feelings grew into feelings and dating commenced. And always with the same declaration, “No matter what happens, we won’t let this ruin our friendship.”
Mistake #1.
Dating in and of itself ruins friendships. If it didn’t do anything to friendships, then it wouldn’t be any different than being friends. So the first step to being friends after a break-up is to know that the friendship won’t look the same, so don’t expect it to.
Okay, so you make the choice to date. Reality check: you’re in high school. The chances of this being your forever relationship are pretty slim. So here comes the break up. It’s his fault. It’s your fault. It’s both of your faults. It’s nobody’s fault. Regardless, you’re broken up. So how can you somehow have some semblance of friendship?
- Hang out it groups. There is so much less pressure and so many less awkward pauses when you’re in groups. And when you’re in the groups, don’t completely ignore each other. Talk. Laugh. Listen. Remember the things you liked about them from the get go.
- Limit your one-on-one’s to people of the same sex. Whether you broke up with him or he broke up with you, you don’t want to be that person who looks like you bounce back like a basketball and are already on the prowl. Be above reproach and keep jealousy and hurt at bay by focusing on your girl friends.
- Don’t text. Hardly sounds like something friends do, right? But the last thing you want is the awkward pressure to be funny or carefree through silly texts when it’s not what you’re feeling. So limit your interactions to face-to-face stuff so you both know you’re being genuine.
- Curb the Facebook feast. As soon as your relationship status changes and is announced in all 700 of your friend’s newsfeeds, you know things will explode with, “What happened?” “I’m so sorry!” The last thing your fragile friendship with your ex needs is public attention from everyone and their mom. So, if people start posting stuff on your wall, remove it. Respect him. Respect yourself. Respect your privacy.
- Don’t ignore them. This is probably the hardest part of being friends after a break up. You’re hurt. You don’t want to give your ex the wrong impression. So you avoid them. You change the way you walk to class. Your conversations are limited to one word responses. DON’T DO IT! Even though it’s hard, remember your commitment to stay friends. Forgive. Lay aside your feelings. Sacrifice, work hard, and strive to be friends.
Still need some encouragement that post break-up friendship is possible?
“And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them.” – Luke 6:31
“Love one another with brotherly affection. Out do one another in showing honor.” – Romans 12:10
“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” – Ephesians 4:29-32
“Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.” – Colossians 3:12-14
Question: Where have you seen dating ruin a good friendship? What can you do to help repair it? What can you do to make sure that doesn’t happen again?
You know the story. Boy meets girl. Boy breaks up with girl. Everything is awkward for boy and girl’s friends.
How do you handle it when you break up with someone (or are broken up with?) More than that, how do you handle it when two of your friends break up? Do you feel divided loyalty? Or do you end up picking sides?
For each and every tough girl out there who has been in this situation (and, let’s be honest, every one of us has) there are some really important things we need to do and NOT do for our friends when it comes to the ex factor.
DO be there to listen. If your friend just had her heart broken or just got out of a serious relationship, she’s going to have a ton of stuff weighing down her heavy heart. So be there for her. Be there if she wants to talk about it. Be there if she doesn’t want to talk about it. Just be there to listen.
DON’T start bad mouthing and gossiping. It’s hard not to want to defend the honor of your girl by smashing the guy who hurt her. But don’t stoop to the level that way too many people do of trashing talk and slandering. He’s a person with feelings too. She needs you to lift her up, not put him down.
DO remind her how wonderful the single life is. Fill up weekends with shopping trips and crafting extravaganzas. Read a book together. Read the Bible together. Plan girl’s night outs and girl’s night ins. Remind her that the world doesn’t stop just because her relationship did.
DON’T ask her how she’s doing every time you see her. There’s dozens of people already doing that. Let her know that you see her as more than so-and-so’s ex. And, while you’re at it, get your other friends and acquaintances to lay off as well. Talk up how well she’s doing so other people don’t feel the need to check in with her every time they pass her in the hall.
DO your best to stay friends with both of them. This is one of the hardest things to do. When two people break up, it’s rare that they have any kind of friendship that even remotely resembles what they had before. But that doesn’t mean you have to change your friendships with them. Do your best to balance time with both of them.
DON’T bring up exes if you can avoid it. It’s hard enough being broken up. The last thing your friend needs is you talking about her ex in front of her, no matter how harmless or innocent it may be. Even if you’re friends with him, you don’t need to bring him up in front of her, especially if she’s still hurting. Don’t go out of your way to never ever say his name. But be really aware of the things you do say in front of her.
“A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.” – Proverbs 17:17
Question: How have things been awkward for you when two friends have broken up? How were you there for her? What can you do better next time?
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Crystal Mazzuca