How A Dating Girl Loves Her Single Friends

Two friends (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

So you’ve got a guy. And you like him…a lot. The best part is that he likes you too! But you don’t want to be that friend who ruins her friendships all because she starts dating. So what’s a dating girl to do?

Be intentional about making time for your friends. Sure, this guy is amazing and wonderful and all you want to do it be with him. But he’s not your everything and shouldn’t be your everything. The same way your relationship with him grows by spending time with him, you need to keep your friendships growing by spending time with them. Date your friends. Go out for coffee, plan girl nights on the weekend, and make sure that you aren’t taking them for granted. They are your friends, after all.

Don’t make everything about him. Keep in mind – there is probably nobody who likes him as much as you do. Well, his mom does. And his grandma. But that’s beside the point. Your friends don’t want every conversation that you have to be about him. You are more than your boyfriend. Keep his name to a minimum in your conversations. Here’s a hint – if, in every conversation you have his name comes up, you aren’t really doing a good job with the first point because it means that you are spending all your time with him. Which also brings us to the next point.

Keep your heart centered on Christ. You ain’t married yet, tough girl! And this boy, as great as he is, is not your Savior. So don’t treat him like that. Don’t worship him. Don’t make him out to be more than he is  – a sinner saved by grace who is battling his flesh every day. You will be a better friend if you keep worshiping Jesus and don’t worship him. This includes your time, your thoughts, your energy, your everything!

Listen to your friends. Just because they aren’t in a relationship doesn’t mean that they can’t give you advice. Treasure their observations and take to heart their advice. Listen to their wisdom and trust that they have your best interests at heart. This makes them feel valued and will keep you humble.

Build them up. Remember how tough it was for you being single while your friends were dating. Find ways to encourage them, love on them, and let them know they don’t need a guy to make them happy. Show them that, even though you have this boyfriend, you still need them as a friend.

Pray. Daily ask God to help you be a good friend while you date. Ask Him for wisdom, discernment, and conviction. Ask Him to open your eyes to where your heart is and where it needs to be. And pray for unity in your friendships.

Question: What kind of friend are you when you are dating? What would your friends say? Do you put as much effort into your friendships as you do into your dating relationship? What can you do to be a better friend?

How A Single Girl Loves Her Dating Friends

Third Wheel (Photo credit: lionsharemovie)

We’ve all been there – that wonderful friend of ours who starts dating and we cringe, knowing things will change in our friendship. And you know what? They will. But that doesn’t have to be a bad thing.

Your friendship isn’t contingent upon you both being single. It might feel like your singleness was a big part of your relationship – you both never had plans on the weekends, you both made fun of couples at school, you both always talked about how content you were being single – but it isn’t. A true friendship isn’t based on your relationships with other people. It’s based on the relationship between the two of you. Focus on those things that draw you together and deepen those aspects of your friendships.

Don’t make her feel bad for dating. With all your good intentions about wanting to keep her “grounded” and “focused,” you can actually start to make her feel bad for dating in the first place. Yes, she’s going to talk about him. Yes, she’s going to make plans with him. That doesn’t give you the right to cross your arms, roll your eyes, and sigh with frustration every time his name comes up. Be happy for her! Ask her questions about him. In fact, take the time to get to know him! It will mean so much to your friend.

Keep her accountable. One of the best things single friends can do while they are both single is set up standards for if and when they date. Then, when one of them starts dating, they have someone whose head isn’t in the clouds and can remind them of how they wanted their relationship to look like before there even was a relationship. And that’s where you come in. If you see her struggling and compromising, call her on it. Hold her accountable. You will be a lot more objective than she is. And don’t be that friend who rushes her heart along, talking about how serious they are and the future. Just…please don’t be that girl.

Curb your jealousy. I know you, tough girl. You might tell everyone how happy and content you are being single, but I know you struggle. And nothing makes it worse than when your friend starts dating and you start throwing a major pity party. So what’s the cure? Focus on her instead of on yourself. Focus on loving her and being there for her instead of lamenting, “Why not me?”

Pray for her. Pray that she will stay pure. Pray that her standards will remain high. Pray that she keeps her feet on the ground and her identity secure. Pray that he won’t become her everything. Pray that she will guard her heart. Pray that their relationship will glorify Jesus.

Show her grace. She will have less time for you. There may be a time you’re in the middle of something and he texts her and she forgets all about you. She’s going to be giggly and dramatic and all those things dating girls always are. She isn’t perfect and she never was. And neither are you. So show her grace. Be patient as she navigates the dating world. Be her shoulder to cry on and her enthusiastic cheerleader. And remember…

“…there is a friend that sticks closer than a brother.” – Proverbs 18:24

“A friend loves at all times…” – Proverbs 17:17

“Therefore encourage one another and build one another up…” – 1 Thessalonians 5:11

Question: What kind of friend are you to your dating friends? Do you encourage them or harbor too much jealousy and criticalness to be a good friend? Are you keeping them accountable? Are you praying for their relationship?

 

Encouragement For The Single Girl

KJV Bible (Photo credit: knowhimonline)

Trust in God’s timing

“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose.” -Romans 8:28

“Trust in Him at all times, O people; pour our your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us.” – Psalm 62:8

Trust in God’s sovereignty

“Does He not see my ways and number all my steps?” – Job 31:4

“The Lord has made everything for its purpose…” – Proverbs 16:4

“The heart of a man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.” – Proverbs 16:9

“But by the grace of God I am what I am, and His grace toward me was not in vain…” – 1 Corinthians 15:10

Trust in God’s Plan

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” – Jeremiah 29:11

“And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.” – 1 Corinthians 7:34-35

 

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This Isn’t A Blog About Boys

Even if I don’t know you, tough girl, I know you.

You like boys. It’s part of our nature. Maybe you’re the type of girl who vocalizes every time a guy catches her attention, your friends struggling to keep straight who it is this week. Or maybe you’re the secret admirer type, pining over cute guys from afar. Or perhaps you’re that girl who claims to not be into anyone right now…which it totally a lie because you totally are.

Regardless of where you fall, this isn’t a blog about boys. Too often even the toughest of girls gets caught up in, “How can I find Mr. Right?” “Why is everyone dating but me?” “Are my standards too high?” “How do I know if he’s date-worthy?”

No, this isn’t a blog about boys. It’s a blog about you.

Imagine if all that time you spent thinking, daydreaming, wishing, hoping, praying, and obsessing was focused on yourself. What if, instead of worrying about finding him you worried about growing you.

“…but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves…” – 1 Peter 3:4-5

Instead of constantly trying to find Mr. Right, spend your time and energy on becoming Miss Right. Worry about being the kind of girl who deserves an amazing guy, not trying to find an amazing guy.

How is your relationship with God? Are you spending time reading your Bible, praying, and going to church? Does your heart beat for Him? Is your passion Christ driven?

How is your relationship with your parents? Are you gracious and respectful, even when you don’t want to be? Are you responsible enough to do your chores and keep your room clean? Have you learned the art of sacrifice and service?

How is your relationship with your friends? Do you practice kindness and discretion? Are your words uplifting? Do your friends know they are important to you? Are you surrounded by people who will lift you up and encourage you in your faith?

How are your relationships with guys? Are you practicing modesty and purity? Do you flirt with every guy you know? Do they see you as a godly woman worth pursing?

God’s timing and ways are perfect. He’ll bring the right guy at the right time. Remember – you only need one guy one time. Until that time, focus on yourself. Focusing on becoming the type of girl who deserves your dream guy.

Question: Are you more concerned with finding the right guy or becoming the right girl? What things help you be patient and content when it seems like everyone around you is dating? What areas of your life do you need to grow in to become more ready to date?

The Best Of Video Viernes

Okay, so I don’t know if this is statistically the most popular video posted, but it’s pretty much one of my favorite videos ever. So enjoy…again

AWESOME video someone shared with me. I think this girl is my new hero. Be sure and check out her blog here!

Originally posted January 7, 2011

How To Be “Just Friends”

Image by Center for Jewish History, NYC via Flickr

 

If you’re a single kick butt girl, chances are you struggle with this issue when it comes to your guy friends. It’s really hard to not want more with one of them (or, in many cases, more than one of them). You don’t want to like them, but you just can’t help yourself! Here are some tips to help keep your head and heart in check.

Avoid alone time together
When you spend time alone with a guy friend, he seems perfect. Every word he says is deep and godly. He’s a perfect gentlemen. You suddenly forget all those glaring faults that he exhibits when he’s in large groups. If you find yourself falling for him every time it’s just you and him, avoid those times! Make sure you’re always in groups. Let a girl friend know about your struggles so she can be your third when you need it. And never let him drive you home at night. That’s when girls are at their weakest

Don’t make him out to be better than he is
No guy is perfect. If you think he is, you’re kidding yourself. This might seem harsh, but think about that guy you are struggling with and think of his faults. It will really help bring you back to earth. Be real with yourself and recognize the ways you build him up in your mind.

Don’t make him out to be worse than he is
In an incredibly elementary school fashion, I’ve seen way too many girls try and combat their feelings by bad mouthing the guy behind his back. Not only will that not help your raging emotions, it’s mean. So don’t. In fact, avoid talking about him all together. That’s a pretty safe bet to guard your heart

Focus on your girl friends
If you find yourself constantly wanting to hang out with a guy you’re trying to be just friends with, replace it with investing in your girl friends. Text them instead. Initiate time with them instead. Make plans with them instead.

Keep conversations light
Girls fall head over heels for a guy who talks about things like sanctification and predestination with passion. If every time you talk to him, you turn to goo as soon as he busts out some systematic theology, avoid those deep conversations. That’s not to say that you can’t talk about your faith. But keep it light. Recognize your weak spots and protect yourself.

Keep conversations bright
The worst time to hang out with a guy is after ten o’clock at night. Your defenses are down and suddenly everything he says and does has your mind whirling with romantic possibilities. So confine yourself to spending time with him during the day.

Stop the day dreams
If you find your mind drifting to a particular guy that you are fighting feelings for, say a quick prayer for him, then move your thoughts to something else. Pick a verse that you will work on memorizing. Pick some other people to pray for. Text a friend. Read a chapter of a book. Don’t let your mind and heart dwell on him.

Treat him like a friend
Sounds simple, right? But it’s a huge thing! Don’t look at him as a potential husband or boyfriend. Don’t doodle your initials together. Don’t talk to other people about him like the two of you have a super special relationship. Treat him like a friend.

Be patient
Sure, something may happen in the future. But don’t hold your breath. If he’s the guy for you, he will take the first step. He will make things happen. Don’t rush God’s timing. Be patient. Enjoy friendships. Don’t expect more out of him because there never may be…and that’s not a bad thing.

Question: What are some things you’ve found yourself doing that make it harder to be “just friends” with a guy? What are some things you do to help you protect your heart?

Do You Treat Guys Like Meat?

Image via Wikipedia

 

Your answer is, “No, of course not!” But think about it for just a minute.

Something all girls hate is feeling lusted after. Having a guy you don’t know whistle at you when you walk by. Or that jerk in English who looks everywhere but your face. You hate when guys talk about girls like we exist just for their pleasure.

And girls never do that…do we?

What’s your first thought when you meet a nice guy? Or a cute guy? Or, worst of all, a nice, cute, Christian guy? I’d wager to bet it isn’t something totally innocent and friendship based. From zero to sixty in half a second, most girls go from “Hello” to thinking about dating. Is he “the one?” Does he have a girlfriend? What can I do to let him know I’m interested? Wait…what was his name again?

Tough girl, stop it! I’m not here to give some lecture on how those guys are your brothers in Christ or that they could be someone else’s future husband. I’m saying stop because that’s just weird!

No girl wants to feel like a guy is lusting after her. And, while wanting to date isn’t exactly lusting, it straight up scares guys when they see a girl moving that fast mentally.

If your mind moves that fast, I guarantee that actions will soon follow. Being the one who initiates texts. Stalking him on Facebook. Sitting by him whenever you can. Pursuing him. Right off the bat, you’re setting yourself up for failure. You’re taking the reigns out of his hands and setting the standard that you are the one making things happen. That will leave you with two things: a relationship where a guy doesn’t peruse you because he doesn’t think he has to since you’ve done all the work or it will leave you with reigns in your hand and no horse because your guy just ran away screaming.

Next time you meet or a new guy, or even if this brought to mind guys you know now and have gone down this path with, slow down! Take a deep breath, calm that insane brain of yours, and get your emotions in check. If he’s a guy that God has for you, He and he (God and guy) will make it happen. Don’t torture yourself with letting your feelings run wild. You’re a sinner, remember?

Question: What kind of guy makes you lose all sense of sanity and reason? What steps could you take to slow yourself down?

Dress To Impress

What do you think about as you get ready in the morning?

 

Do you dress to try and look skinner? Look fashionable? Do you copy things you see in magazines or just throw something together? Do you get dressed thinking about who you will see and what they will think about it (hence the sweatpants and a stained shirt when you are planning on staying home all day)?

 

We all care about our appearance. It’s why we spend so much money on clothes, hair products, and accessories. It’s why we have to add an extra thirty minutes into our morning get-ready routine. It’s why we twirl in front of mirrors, trying to get a glimpse of every possible angle, making sure we look good from all sides.

 

But how much care and attention is too much?

 

“…women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire, but with what is proper for women who profess godliness – with good works.” – 1 Timothy 2:9-10

 

First off, this isn’t a theological debate about whether or not Christian women can wear jewelry or braid their hair. I’ll leave that to the Bible School nerds with more time on their hands.

 

But what we can take from this passage is that, as much as we are concerned with our outward appearance, we need to be concerned with what people see us doing and how we are living.

 

Do you wake up in the morning and think about putting on self-control? When people look at you during the day, do they see good works that are the result of godliness?

 

I want to be more concerned with my spiritual state each day than I am about what I’m wearing. I want people to notice the things I am doing for the Kingdom of God more than they notice my outfits. I want the love of Jesus to outshine my bling.

 

How much care and attention is too much? Instead, why don’t you ask yourself, “How much do I care about Jesus shining through me? What can I do to make that more important than what I’m wearing?”

 

What ways have you found to clothe yourself with godliness each day?

 

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Are Boys Afraid of You?

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Despite their apparent big heads and even bigger egos, guys are actually pretty insecure, doubtful, worried, and afraid. The macho thing tends to be a front to cover up the fact that, all day, they are consumed with fears. And what’s fear number one?

 

Girls.

 

Here’s my question for you: are you helping or hurting them in that area? The answer might surprise you.

 

Are you…

The Nasty Ninja?

So you’re interested in a guy. You think he’s cute. You think he’s nice. So, you employ some serious ninja skills. You try and talk to him. A lot. You text him again and again. You write on his Facebook wall and like everything he posts, not to mention the fact that you say hi every time he’s online. You even find ways to be wherever he is in school.

 

You aren’t simply scary. You’re borderline stalker.

 

The Remedy

Calm down. Take a step back. Or fifty. Guys are supposed to pursue you, not the other way around. You don’t have to go out of your way to let him know you are interested. Guys want to take the lead (once they get the courage), so let them. If he isn’t initiating conversations and contact with you, he probably isn’t interested.

 

Are you…

The Zero To One Hundred?

You’re just walking along, happy as can be, when suddenly a new guy comes into your life. Maybe he sits next to you in class or you meet him at youth group. He smiles at you, talks a little, and is all-in-all nice. Suddenly, you’re hearing wedding bells. You’ve only known him for twenty-four hours, but already you’re obsessing over if he likes you, if your parents and your friends will like him, and if he’s going to ask you to the prom.

 

Whoa, girl! Have you ever heard of being friends with a guy?

 

The Remedy

Keep your heart, mind, and emotions in check. Stop viewing every guy as potential date material and get to know them with no strings attached. Be friends. Treat him like a friend. Think of him like a friend. Take is sllllooooowwwwww.

 

Are you…

The Flirty Fiend?

Everything your crush says is hilarious, and you want to make sure he knows that. So you giggle. And laugh. And occasionally snort. You hit him just so you can touch him. You lean in when he’s talking or you’re talking or whenever you’re within a foot of each other. You bat your eyes, pout your lips, and scream, “Yes! I’m a girl! Love me!”

 

While he may enjoy the attention, girls like you totally freak him out. After a while, all that playfulness seems superficial and overwhelming.

 

The Remedy

Use your girl powers for good, not evil. Trust me, he knows you’re a girl. Sure, laugh at his jokes. But keep the touching and the leaning to a bare minimum. You want him to be interested in you, not in how you make him feel.

 

Are you…

The Sarcastic Jokester?

You want to be close, so you act like one of the guys. You make jokes at his expense. You point out his mistakes. You laugh at his blunders. You drip sarcasm every time you talk. After all, if he’s close to his boys, shouldn’t this help him be close to you?

 

FYI you are not one of his boys and guys hate when you try and act like it.

 

The Remedy

Be yourself. In fact, be a nicer version of yourself. Like I already mention, guys have surprisingly delicate egos. It’s bad enough that their guy friends make fun of them for every little thing. But that behavior from a girl makes them feel horrible, even if they are laughing on the outside. So be nice. Encourage him. Build him up.

 

 

Well, are there any other girl behaviors that you know of that scare guys?

 

“Do I Trust?” Quiz

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If you read my post on Monday, you might think that I am some serene, peaceful, holy girl who trusts God implicitly and never questions Him.

 

Wrong.

 

Often the things I write come from lessons learned the hard way or from things that God is teaching me right now. Like this whole issue of trust. Do you know what my response to God’s timing usually is?

 

Temper tantrums. I’m talking pouting, screaming, crying, three-year-old inspired tantrums.

 

So where are you at? I’ve devised this little quiz to give you a glimpse into your heart, attitude, and trust (or lack thereof).

 

1. Your parents refuse to let you go to the school dance. Do you…

1. Scream and yell that they don’t understand you, never let you have any fun, and are the worst parents in the world.
2. Stomp, pout, and run to your room where you proceeded to zip out text messages telling all your friends that your parents are totally lame.
3. Nod thoughtfully and say, “Thank you, mother and father, for looking out for my best interests. Maybe we should spend the night playing board games or watching old home movies?”

 

1. Your friends all get together to watch a movie that you know you shouldn’t watch. Do you…

1. Go anyway. After all, it’s just a movie. And if your parents ask, you’ll come up with a great excuse as to what you were doing and why you were there.
2. Go, but spend the entire time in the bathroom.
3. Say no way, then climb up on a sparkly pink soapbox and lecture all your friends as to why they shouldn’t be watching that movie, remind them what immoral sinners they are,  followed by an alter call where you ask them to re-dedicate their lives to Christ.

 

1. You are single. Do you…

1. Make yourself obviously available. You text, Facebook, and flirt till some guy at least looks in your direction, then start making wedding plans that instant.
2. Spend Friday nights in your room drawing your initials in little bubble hearts in the back of your Science book, making sure you write the guys’ initials in pencil in case your crush changes. Again.
3. Walk about with your head held high, perfectly content in your single status, knowing without a doubt that the guys that you are around aren’t worth dating anyway.

 

1. You are dating. Do you…

1. Make yourself obviously available. You text, Facebook, and flirt in order to make sure that guy knows that you are his. And if he even sneezes in the direction of another girl, you have a freak out, thinking that he’s lost interest so you yell at him until texting is the only way you can communicate.
2. Spend Friday nights in your room, staring at your phone, waiting till he calls you to say, “’Sup,” canceling plans with your friends just in case he wants to hang out.
3. Do nothing. You’re so confident, you figure he can do all the work. You never doubt him, never question your future together, never over analyze his texts, and figure that he’s so in love with you, you have absolutely nothing to worry about.

 

1. You are going through a trial in life. Do you…

1. Create a flow chart and outline with all the steps as to how you will work it out, planning down to the very minute the steps that you need to take to make things better.
2. Sit, immobilized, in your room. You cry. You scream. You flail about and gnash your teeth. And you stay holed up and depressed until things get better.
3. Keep a smile on your face, joy in your heart, and a halo over your head because nothing can shake you, rattle you, or even make you stumble a little.

 

Scores

For every ‘a’ – 3 points

For every ‘b’ – 2 points

For every ‘c’ – 1 point

 

If you scored 15-12: You are a Dramatic Diva with little to no trust.

There’s not doubt about it. You are an emotional wreck who feels like you need to be in control over everything. It’s hard for you to believe that anyone outside of yourself knows what they are talking about. Nobody but you has a clue what they are doing. You think you know best and nobody better say differently. You are insecure, neurotic, and slightly crazy. Okay, more than slightly.

 

If you scored 11-8: You are a Touchy Teen with some trust issues.

Like the ocean, you ebb and flow when it comes to trust. For the most part, it’s ebbing. You have issues, girl, but you like to pretend like you don’t. You do whatever you can to hide your trembling knees and nervous ticks, fighting a battle of wills in your mind. Careful. That bomb is likely to explode one of these days.

 

If you scored 7-5: You are a Liar Liar Pants on Fire

Come on. No one is that trusting, secure, and perfect. Take the quiz again!

 

Bottom line? We all have trust issues. We all have areas to grow in faith. So be encouraged that you have more faith today than you did yesterday.

 

But hopefully not as much as tomorrow.