This Friday feature is “The Not-So-Average Girl.” These are girls who are just like you, living life, and doing their best to love Jesus with everything they’ve got. They aren’t perfect – but, then again, that’s what makes them so easy to identify with! So stay tuned and find comfort in knowing there is someone out there who is just like you.

Age: 16
Grade: 11th
Hair: brown
Eyes: brown
Shirt size: Medium
Pants size: 4-6
Shoe size: 10
Favorite color: Blue/green
Favorite movie: The Notebook
Favorite TV show: Survivor
Favorite band: Tenth Avenue North
Favorite book: Chronicles of Narnia
For fun I like to: Hang out with friends
Have you ever had a boyfriend? Nope!
Do you have a best friend? Yes
On a scale of 1-10 (1 being low, 10 being high) how would you rate:
Your relationship with your mom: 9
Your relationship with your dad: 7
Your relationship with your siblings: 7
How hard you try in school: 9
How hard you work at home: 7.5
How involved you are in church: 9
What do you like to do for fun?: Hang out with friends, church activities, play piano
What do you want to be when you grow up?: Missionary
What is a book you really want to read right now?: The Hiding Place
Where is somewhere you would love to travel?: Africa!!!
How long have you been a Christian? about 11 years
How often do you read your Bible? Every day
What’s the hardest part about being a Christian? Praying and trying to be a good example and not being a hypocrite. Sharing my faith and focusing on Jesus in school is tough too.
What’s your favorite Bible verse? Zephaniah 3:17
Any words of wisdom for all the tough girls out there trying to live their life for Jesus?
It is so completely worth it! It really helps having friends who are there for you and pushing you harder each day. Ask them to keep you accountable. I find the more that I get involved in church, the easier it is for me to focus on Christ.
Focus on Jesus, read you Bible and pray! Even if you don’t ‘feel’ like doing these things, the effect they have is huge. They can make my day so much better!

Two friends (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

So you’ve got a guy. And you like him…a lot. The best part is that he likes you too! But you don’t want to be that friend who ruins her friendships all because she starts dating. So what’s a dating girl to do?

Be intentional about making time for your friends. Sure, this guy is amazing and wonderful and all you want to do it be with him. But he’s not your everything and shouldn’t be your everything. The same way your relationship with him grows by spending time with him, you need to keep your friendships growing by spending time with them. Date your friends. Go out for coffee, plan girl nights on the weekend, and make sure that you aren’t taking them for granted. They are your friends, after all.

Don’t make everything about him. Keep in mind – there is probably nobody who likes him as much as you do. Well, his mom does. And his grandma. But that’s beside the point. Your friends don’t want every conversation that you have to be about him. You are more than your boyfriend. Keep his name to a minimum in your conversations. Here’s a hint – if, in every conversation you have his name comes up, you aren’t really doing a good job with the first point because it means that you are spending all your time with him. Which also brings us to the next point.

Keep your heart centered on Christ. You ain’t married yet, tough girl! And this boy, as great as he is, is not your Savior. So don’t treat him like that. Don’t worship him. Don’t make him out to be more than he is  – a sinner saved by grace who is battling his flesh every day. You will be a better friend if you keep worshiping Jesus and don’t worship him. This includes your time, your thoughts, your energy, your everything!

Listen to your friends. Just because they aren’t in a relationship doesn’t mean that they can’t give you advice. Treasure their observations and take to heart their advice. Listen to their wisdom and trust that they have your best interests at heart. This makes them feel valued and will keep you humble.

Build them up. Remember how tough it was for you being single while your friends were dating. Find ways to encourage them, love on them, and let them know they don’t need a guy to make them happy. Show them that, even though you have this boyfriend, you still need them as a friend.

Pray. Daily ask God to help you be a good friend while you date. Ask Him for wisdom, discernment, and conviction. Ask Him to open your eyes to where your heart is and where it needs to be. And pray for unity in your friendships.

Question: What kind of friend are you when you are dating? What would your friends say? Do you put as much effort into your friendships as you do into your dating relationship? What can you do to be a better friend?

Third Wheel (Photo credit: lionsharemovie)

We’ve all been there – that wonderful friend of ours who starts dating and we cringe, knowing things will change in our friendship. And you know what? They will. But that doesn’t have to be a bad thing.

Your friendship isn’t contingent upon you both being single. It might feel like your singleness was a big part of your relationship – you both never had plans on the weekends, you both made fun of couples at school, you both always talked about how content you were being single – but it isn’t. A true friendship isn’t based on your relationships with other people. It’s based on the relationship between the two of you. Focus on those things that draw you together and deepen those aspects of your friendships.

Don’t make her feel bad for dating. With all your good intentions about wanting to keep her “grounded” and “focused,” you can actually start to make her feel bad for dating in the first place. Yes, she’s going to talk about him. Yes, she’s going to make plans with him. That doesn’t give you the right to cross your arms, roll your eyes, and sigh with frustration every time his name comes up. Be happy for her! Ask her questions about him. In fact, take the time to get to know him! It will mean so much to your friend.

Keep her accountable. One of the best things single friends can do while they are both single is set up standards for if and when they date. Then, when one of them starts dating, they have someone whose head isn’t in the clouds and can remind them of how they wanted their relationship to look like before there even was a relationship. And that’s where you come in. If you see her struggling and compromising, call her on it. Hold her accountable. You will be a lot more objective than she is. And don’t be that friend who rushes her heart along, talking about how serious they are and the future. Just…please don’t be that girl.

Curb your jealousy. I know you, tough girl. You might tell everyone how happy and content you are being single, but I know you struggle. And nothing makes it worse than when your friend starts dating and you start throwing a major pity party. So what’s the cure? Focus on her instead of on yourself. Focus on loving her and being there for her instead of lamenting, “Why not me?”

Pray for her. Pray that she will stay pure. Pray that her standards will remain high. Pray that she keeps her feet on the ground and her identity secure. Pray that he won’t become her everything. Pray that she will guard her heart. Pray that their relationship will glorify Jesus.

Show her grace. She will have less time for you. There may be a time you’re in the middle of something and he texts her and she forgets all about you. She’s going to be giggly and dramatic and all those things dating girls always are. She isn’t perfect and she never was. And neither are you. So show her grace. Be patient as she navigates the dating world. Be her shoulder to cry on and her enthusiastic cheerleader. And remember…

“…there is a friend that sticks closer than a brother.” – Proverbs 18:24

“A friend loves at all times…” – Proverbs 17:17

“Therefore encourage one another and build one another up…” – 1 Thessalonians 5:11

Question: What kind of friend are you to your dating friends? Do you encourage them or harbor too much jealousy and criticalness to be a good friend? Are you keeping them accountable? Are you praying for their relationship?

This Friday feature is “The Not-So-Average Girl.” These are girls who are just like you, living life, and doing their best to love Jesus with everything they’ve got. They aren’t perfect – but, then again, that’s what makes them so easy to identify with! So stay tuned and find comfort in knowing there is someone out there who is just like you.

Age: 22
Grade: baker, full time
Hair: dusty blonde
Eyes: hazel
Shirt size: M
Pants size: 8
Shoe size: 9 1/2
Favorite color: midnight blue
Favorite movie: Princess Bride
Favorite TV show: N/A
Favorite band: needtobreathe
Favorite book: Lord of the Flies, Through Gates of Splendor, Passion and Purity
For fun I like to: Run
Have you ever had a boyfriend? Yes
Do you have a best friend? Yes

On a scale of 1-10 (1 being low, 10 being high) how would you rate:
Your relationship with your mom: 7
Your relationship with your dad: 0
Your relationship with your siblings: on average, 6
How hard you try in school: 7
How hard you work at home: 8
How involved you are in church: 8

What do you like to do for fun?: read, go for a run, play board games with friends
What do you want to be when you grow up?: I would love to be a wife and mother
What is a book you really want to read right now?: Mere Christianity
Where is somewhere you would love to travel?:Africa

How long have you been a Christian? Truly and passionately, 3 1/2 years
How often do you read your Bible? Twice a week
What’s the hardest part about being a Christian? Not forcing the truth of the gospel on others, but graciously loving them
What’s your favorite Bible verse? Philippians 4:1 “Therefore my brothers whom I love and long for, my joy and my crown, stand firm thus in the Lord my beloved.”

Any words of wisdom for all the tough girls out there trying to live their life for Jesus?: Love generously, take time to be with your God and pursue the depth of the knowledge of the grace of our King and Saviour Jesus Christ.

Cover of Don’t Waste Your Life

“If you live gladly to make others glad in God, your life will be hard, your risks will be high, and your joy will be full.”
― John Piper, Don’t Waste Your Life Study Guide

That’s it. That’s the post for today.

Now go out and do it.

Related articles

• 3 Ways to Live With Joy (challies.com)
• Don’t Waste Your Life – John Piper (arcsurf.wordpress.com)

Drawing for user page (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

“What I am anxious to see in Christian believers is a beautiful paradox. I want to see in them the joy of finding God while at the same time they are blessedly pursuing Him. I want to see in them the great joy of having God yet always wanting Him.” – A.W. Tozer

Doesn’t that just hit you, tough girl? A beautiful paradox of content yet discontent. Of joy yet longing for joy.

Jesus. You can’t get enough of Him.

The thing is you know all about discontentment, don’t you? You know what it is to long and to want. To be consumed with the desire for something. Maybe it’s something new. Maybe it’s a change in circumstances. Maybe it’s wanting that new season of life. Whatever it is, we all identify with that feeling of wanting more.

Unfortunately, when it comes to contentment, we are typically content with far less than we should be. It could be contentment with average grades or a kinda clean room. You’re content with being just alright with your parents.

Worse is being content with our relationship with Jesus. Being content with a lukewarm faith or one that is moving at a snail’s pace. You figure it’s okay just going to church and reading your Bible every once in a while. After all, it’s better than nothing.

But to take our understanding of contentment and discontentment and apply them to our spiritual walk – well, that’s another story. It’s running after God full force, every day following Him and experiencing Him through His Word and through fellowship. It’s finding a joy that surpasses all understanding and comes simply from knowing Him.

But you don’t stop there. It’s like getting a sip of the sweetest most satisfying drink in existence – and all you want is more. So you keep drinking and keep savoring, each taste filling you with complete satisfaction, yet leaving you thirsting for more.

That, tough girl, is true joy in Christ. It’s the joy of having every want and need met in Him. It’s being comforted, cherished, and loved. It’s being treasured, protected, and blessed. It’s the joy that comes from being content…so content that you want more. More peace. More relationship. More knowing and being known.

Do you know that joy? Don’t you want to?

“Until now you have asked nothing in my name. Ask, and you will receive, that your joy may be full.” – John 16:24

Question: Is your joy truly in Jesus, or Jesus and something else? What are you discontent about right now? What would your life look like if you were truly content in Christ and the only thing you were discontent with was wanting more of Him?

Related articles

• Lady In Waiting: Contentment – The Torture of Desire and The Capacity to Wait (girlfriendscoffeehour.com)
• Contentment (joequatronejr.wordpress.com)

This Soviet war poster conveys the message: “Don’t chatter! Gossiping borders on treason” (1941). (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Are you amazed at the power of words?

The written word is simply a string of characters chained together. The spoken word is a combination of tones and inflections. Yet all are laced with meaning, emotion, and heart.

Your words can make or break who you are.

Do you want to glorify God, tough girl? Do you want to be His light shinning bright everywhere you go? Do you want to be a better disciple, a better witness, and a better follower of Christ?

Watch your words.

“Death and life are in the power of the tongue…” – Proverbs 18:21

“Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body.” – Proverbs 16:24

“There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” – Proverbs 12:18

Let me ask you this, tough girl – are your words bringing life or death?

Are you bringing life or death to your parents? Do the words you speak display the respect and honor they deserve (not because they’ve earned it, but because the Bible says so)? Do you build them up, encourage them, and love them with the love of Christ? Or do you cut them down, disrespect them, talk back, and argue?

Are you bringing life or death to your friends? Do you encourage them with Scripture, encourage them when they are feeling down, and make them feel special and loved? Or are you sarcastic, cutting, mean-spirited (though you try and cover it by saying, “I’m just kidding!”), and rude?

Are you bringing life or death to your teachers? Do you respect them, honoring them with when you speak and don’t speak? Or do you whisper in class and complain about them behind their backs?

Do you gossip? FYI – that whole thing about, “It’s not gossip if it’s true” totally isn’t true. It’s gossip and slander if it’s negative and mean. How can you tell? Check your heart. If you get joy out of saying something negative about someone, it’s gossip.

And speaking of heart, you may say to me, “Crystal! This is all fine and dandy, but really – is it that big of deal? Doesn’t God care more about my heart than my words?”

I’m so glad you asked!

“But what comes out of the mouth proceeds from the heart, and this defiles a person.” – Matthew 15:18

“If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person’s religion is worthless.” – James 1:26

You can’t claim to have a Jesus-loving heart and not have Jesus-loving words come out of your mouth. Sure, we all slip. But with that slipping should come conviction, repentance, and an apology. And a conscious effort to try and not do it again.

Do you want to glorify God, tough girl? Watch your words. Think about what you say. Think about what you don’t say. Think about what you think about saying!

“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” – Ephesians 4:29

Question: What kind of words come out of your mouth? Are you speaking life or death to your parents, teachers, and friends? Do you make a conscious effort to build others up? How could you do it even more?

English: Kobli, Atakora, Benin (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

God has called you to be a missionary.

What was your response to that? Excitement and elation? Dread? Confusion?

The bottom line is, you are called to be a missionary for life – wherever you are.

It’s a real popular thing right now for Christians to feel the call to missions. There is something exotic and intriguing about giving up your comfortable common life and giving yourself completely to a people living halfway around the world.

And don’t get me wrong – I’m all about the call to foreign missions. I was a missionary for six months and had planned on being one for life.

Regardless of if you want to be a missionary for life in India or South Africa or you just want to live in your hometown till the day you die, you are a missionary. Right here. Right now.

“And Jesus said to them, ‘Go, therefore, and make disciples of all nations baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Song and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to obey all that I have commanded you. And behold I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” – Matthew 28:18-20

Go. Make disciples. Do it in all nations.

Do it in all countries, cities, and towns.

Do it in all schools, neighborhoods, and homes.

It’s easy to think about missions on a global scale. But what about on a personal, immediate scale?

Do you view yourself as a missionary, living right where you are for the purpose of sharing the love of Jesus?

Do you work just as hard as you would on the foreign mission field to tell people about Jesus and meet their needs?

Do you pray for people in your family and school like you would if you were a missionary in another country?

Do you see the work you do every day as being just as important as the work you would be doing as a full time missionary?

The bottom line is, tough girl, loving people and serving them in the name of Jesus is hard. It doesn’t get easier just because you’re a full-time missionary living in another country.

You are called to be a missionary. Right here. Right now.

Are you doing it?

Related articles

• Spread the Gospel like Peanut Butter and Jelly (howtomakeafruitsalad.wordpress.com)
• Where “mommy blogging” meets missions (beautifulinhistime.com)

Starting next week, you are going feel a lot less alone.

If not next week, maybe the week after. Or the week after that.

On Fridays, I am going to begin a new feature called, “Not-So-Average Girl.”

Who is the Not-So-Average Girl? It’s you. It’s me. It’s every single tough girl out there trying to live life, love Jesus, and figure out their place in this giant world. She’s in high school, college, or just out of college. She’s been a Christian for a long time and she’s pretty new in the faith.

I’ve contacted several tough girls I know who all have one thing in common: they love Jesus. Why do I want you to meet them? I want you to know that you’re not alone. I want you to know there is someone out there just like you. I want you to know you’re not the only one who feels the way you do, hurts the way you hurts, and loves the way you love. I want you to know it’s okay to be different, quirky, silly, loud, quiet, shy, or funny. I want you to know it’s okay to be single and it’s okay to date.

I want you to know it’s okay to be you.

So stay tuned! Read the Not-So-Average Girl profile each week. Be encouraged by tough girls who are just like you.

And always know that you’re not alone.