How A Dating Girl Loves Her Single Friends

Two friends (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

So you’ve got a guy. And you like him…a lot. The best part is that he likes you too! But you don’t want to be that friend who ruins her friendships all because she starts dating. So what’s a dating girl to do?

Be intentional about making time for your friends. Sure, this guy is amazing and wonderful and all you want to do it be with him. But he’s not your everything and shouldn’t be your everything. The same way your relationship with him grows by spending time with him, you need to keep your friendships growing by spending time with them. Date your friends. Go out for coffee, plan girl nights on the weekend, and make sure that you aren’t taking them for granted. They are your friends, after all.

Don’t make everything about him. Keep in mind – there is probably nobody who likes him as much as you do. Well, his mom does. And his grandma. But that’s beside the point. Your friends don’t want every conversation that you have to be about him. You are more than your boyfriend. Keep his name to a minimum in your conversations. Here’s a hint – if, in every conversation you have his name comes up, you aren’t really doing a good job with the first point because it means that you are spending all your time with him. Which also brings us to the next point.

Keep your heart centered on Christ. You ain’t married yet, tough girl! And this boy, as great as he is, is not your Savior. So don’t treat him like that. Don’t worship him. Don’t make him out to be more than he is  – a sinner saved by grace who is battling his flesh every day. You will be a better friend if you keep worshiping Jesus and don’t worship him. This includes your time, your thoughts, your energy, your everything!

Listen to your friends. Just because they aren’t in a relationship doesn’t mean that they can’t give you advice. Treasure their observations and take to heart their advice. Listen to their wisdom and trust that they have your best interests at heart. This makes them feel valued and will keep you humble.

Build them up. Remember how tough it was for you being single while your friends were dating. Find ways to encourage them, love on them, and let them know they don’t need a guy to make them happy. Show them that, even though you have this boyfriend, you still need them as a friend.

Pray. Daily ask God to help you be a good friend while you date. Ask Him for wisdom, discernment, and conviction. Ask Him to open your eyes to where your heart is and where it needs to be. And pray for unity in your friendships.

Question: What kind of friend are you when you are dating? What would your friends say? Do you put as much effort into your friendships as you do into your dating relationship? What can you do to be a better friend?

How A Single Girl Loves Her Dating Friends

Third Wheel (Photo credit: lionsharemovie)

We’ve all been there – that wonderful friend of ours who starts dating and we cringe, knowing things will change in our friendship. And you know what? They will. But that doesn’t have to be a bad thing.

Your friendship isn’t contingent upon you both being single. It might feel like your singleness was a big part of your relationship – you both never had plans on the weekends, you both made fun of couples at school, you both always talked about how content you were being single – but it isn’t. A true friendship isn’t based on your relationships with other people. It’s based on the relationship between the two of you. Focus on those things that draw you together and deepen those aspects of your friendships.

Don’t make her feel bad for dating. With all your good intentions about wanting to keep her “grounded” and “focused,” you can actually start to make her feel bad for dating in the first place. Yes, she’s going to talk about him. Yes, she’s going to make plans with him. That doesn’t give you the right to cross your arms, roll your eyes, and sigh with frustration every time his name comes up. Be happy for her! Ask her questions about him. In fact, take the time to get to know him! It will mean so much to your friend.

Keep her accountable. One of the best things single friends can do while they are both single is set up standards for if and when they date. Then, when one of them starts dating, they have someone whose head isn’t in the clouds and can remind them of how they wanted their relationship to look like before there even was a relationship. And that’s where you come in. If you see her struggling and compromising, call her on it. Hold her accountable. You will be a lot more objective than she is. And don’t be that friend who rushes her heart along, talking about how serious they are and the future. Just…please don’t be that girl.

Curb your jealousy. I know you, tough girl. You might tell everyone how happy and content you are being single, but I know you struggle. And nothing makes it worse than when your friend starts dating and you start throwing a major pity party. So what’s the cure? Focus on her instead of on yourself. Focus on loving her and being there for her instead of lamenting, “Why not me?”

Pray for her. Pray that she will stay pure. Pray that her standards will remain high. Pray that she keeps her feet on the ground and her identity secure. Pray that he won’t become her everything. Pray that she will guard her heart. Pray that their relationship will glorify Jesus.

Show her grace. She will have less time for you. There may be a time you’re in the middle of something and he texts her and she forgets all about you. She’s going to be giggly and dramatic and all those things dating girls always are. She isn’t perfect and she never was. And neither are you. So show her grace. Be patient as she navigates the dating world. Be her shoulder to cry on and her enthusiastic cheerleader. And remember…

“…there is a friend that sticks closer than a brother.” – Proverbs 18:24

“A friend loves at all times…” – Proverbs 17:17

“Therefore encourage one another and build one another up…” – 1 Thessalonians 5:11

Question: What kind of friend are you to your dating friends? Do you encourage them or harbor too much jealousy and criticalness to be a good friend? Are you keeping them accountable? Are you praying for their relationship?

 

How To Love Your Dad

This goes out to every single tough girl. From the one with the best dad to the one with the worst and everything in between, I hope you read this and take it to heart.

Love your dad. This is easier for some of you than others. But here’s the thing – loving your dad actually doesn’t depend on him.

It depends on you.

Love the dad that is a great, godly man. You’ve got it the easiest, let’s be honest. Your dad makes loving him a blessing, not a chore. So tell him. Show him. Serve him. Give back even a small inkling of the immeasurable amount of love he’s given to you.

Love the dad that is a roller coaster. Some days, he’s like that perfect TV dad who does all the right things in a hilarious way. Other days he drives you so crazy, you don’t even want to talk to him. Just remember – you aren’t perfect either, tough girl. Show him grace…the same way he does to you day in and day out.

Love the dad that is emotionally distant. Maybe you feel like you would love him more if he showed you more love, affection, and attention. But you shouldn’t let the love you give be determined by the love you receive. Can you imagine if God worked like that? We’d be in big trouble! Choose to do the mature, godly thing – love him even when he doesn’t deserve it.

Love the dad who has hurt you. He shouldn’t have, of course. But he did and there’s no changing that. Unforgiveness is the ripe soil for a root of bitterness that will make you afraid and unable to fully love others. Even if he doesn’t deserve it, forgive him – for your sake, not for his. Don’t let him hurt you more. Forgive and love him with the forgiveness and love that only Jesus can help you give.

Love the dad who is gone. Whether it was his choice or not, he’s gone. But what you can know is that God used him to bring you into this world. He will always be a part of you. So hold tight to that wonderful truth, even if he himself wasn’t wonderful.

Need some help on how to love him?

-Build him up to his face and behind his back.

-Don’t slander him or gossip about him.

-Leave him notes or send him texts telling him you love him.

-Go out to coffee with him.

-Take him on a daddy/daughter date.

-Tell him about some advice of his that you appreciated.

-Talk to him about the boy you like and ask his opinion.

-Cook his favorite meal.

Dads can be a tricky thing. But there’s one thing we can always know:

“See what kind of love the Father has given to us that we should be called children of God; and so we are.” – 1 John 3:1

Let the love of your Father in heaven enable you to love your father on this earth.

Question: Is it easy or hard for you to love your dad? What Bible verses help you? What ways can you think of to show love to your dad?

How To Deepen Your Roots

2011.01.01 Bible (Photo credit: Gerard’s World)

I could re-stat the obvious by extolling the virtues of personal quiet time, Bible reading, prayer, church attendance, and service. But I’m going to give you more credit than that, tough girl, and assume you already understand the vital importance of those things.

So here are some other ideas for how to deepen your roots. I hope you’ll take one or two and really run with them.

Deepen your quiet time. Make it last longer. Try being outside. Or go in a closet with a candle and nothing to disturb you. Have it multiple times a day. Actually write in that journal you’ve had sitting around forever. Read a Christian book along with your Bible. Become an expert on a Christian hero of the past.

Deepen your Bible reading. Increase the amount you read. Memorize a book of the Bible (James, Titus, and Colossians are popular ones). Practice “scribbing” – writing out Psalms word for word. Read the Bible out loud. Write down things you don’t understand and actually talk to someone about it. Tell someone what God is teaching you and ask them to keep you accountable regarding it.

Deepen your prayer life. Write out a prayer list and be faithful to pray every day for certain people and things. Gather friends and pray together. Volunteer to pray out loud at youth group. Attend prayer meetings at your church. Read a book on prayer. Pray for every single person you see mentioned on your Facebook newsfeed. Practice being silent before God and learning to hear His voice. Pray through the Psalms.

Deepen your church attendance. Start going to Sunday School or a Bible study. Meet with an older woman outside of church. Get together once a week with a friend to pray together, read the Bible, and keep each other accountable. Volunteer to help with children’s ministry. Tithe. Learn what missionaries your church supports and start communicating with them. Go on a mission trip.

Deepen your service. Make a goal of doing one selfless act a week. Take over one of your parents chores around the house. Keep your room clean. Give away some clothes. Then give away some more. Bring your teacher coffee. Take time away from your friends to spend time with someone who needs some love.

Question: What are you doing to deepen your roots? What do you think you will apply from this list?

Related articles

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• Lesson 5 – Prayer – Assignments (christiansareus.wordpress.com)
• “Coffee Time” with God (tomvanderwell.wordpress.com)

How To Mend A Broken Heart

It happens to the best of us. A relationship that is no more. Be it three years or three months, it still hurts. Sometimes, there isn’t even an “official” relationship – just a hope or a wish that never comes to fruition. Heartbreak hurts. A lot. So what’s a tough girl to do?

Remember: It’s not you, it’s him…and Him. If you’re going to claim that you believe God is totally sovereign and in control and that He’s totally good, then you have to trust His timing and His plans for your day to day life. If that means a break-up, that’s not a bad thing. It’s a God thing. It means God has something else for you right now. You don’t need to beat yourself up, worrying about what you did wrong, what you could have done better, or what you need to change about yourself. Instead, seek the One who made your heart and ask Him to fill it in the way only He can.

Don’t jump on the Horrible Ex train. It’s tempting to want to slam the guy who hurt you. But don’t be that girl. Bite your tongue and hold back all the horrible things you want to say about him, the embarrassing stories you want to share, and that desire to cut him down in front of anyone who will listen. If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.

Don’t idolize him. Like a wounded puppy who seeks approval from the foot that kicked it, too many girls build up ex boyfriends or crushes in their heads and hearts, making him out to be a saintly Adonis. He’s not. No guy is that perfect. And, if you’re not together, he’s not perfect for you. So don’t try and fool yourself into thinking he is.

Don’t try and mend the hurt with another guy. Call it a rebound or whatever. It’s this weird compulsion girls have to get another guy as soon as one is out of their lives. Don’t. Let yourself get over it. Take time to heal and to grow. Enjoy intimate time with Jesus, who is longing to let you know that you don’t need a boyfriend to make you happy. Grow as an individual – as you -  so you will be even stronger in your next relationship. But that takes time.

Make the best of this time. Spend time with your friends. Spend time with your family. Spend time with Jesus. Don’t sit around feeling sad or mad. Enjoy the amazing people God has surrounded you with and allow them a hand in healing your heart.

Above all, forgive. No one is perfect in a relationship. So don’t hold hurt that he caused against him. Forgive. Not for his sake – for yours.

“Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other, as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.” – Colossians 3:12-13

Question: How do you typically respond to heartbreak? What areas do you struggle to let go of? What do you think God can teach you through your broken heart?

How To Win Friends and Influence People For Jesus

Jesus is So Cool (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

We’re all suckers for hype. That’s why it’s called hype. People go all crazy over something or someone and, pretty soon, we’re wanting to know what the big deal is. So we read the book, see the movie, visit the place, eat the food, or do the thing that they’re all doing.

So…do you get people hyped up about Jesus? Here’s some ideas how.

Rock The Jesus Music. I will admit, I don’t always listen to Christian music. I find a lot of it sounds like something that would be played in an elevator. Or like something my mom would listen to. Or like something my mom would listen to in an elevator. All that said and done, there is a lot of good Christian music out there, too. So, when you find it, blast it. Play it all the time and talk about why you like it so much. Sing. Dance. Worship. If you know me, you know there’s no denying how much I love Switchfoot and The Supertones. I get people listening to it. And then we talk about it. And then they think about it. And then they think about Him.

Rock The Jesus Books. I read my Bible almost every day. I have one sitting on my coffee table, one in my car, a digital one on my iPod, and about five on my bookshelf. They are torn, tattered, coffee-stained, and falling apart. But there’s no denying that there’s much Bible love in my house. Don’t you love talking to people about what you’re reading? And for me it’s not just the Bible, but Christian books! (Summer Intensive, anyone?) I read biographies, spiritual growth, theology, and (my favorite) Christian fiction. I want to be as hyped up about Christian books as I am about The Hunger Games. Are you?

Rock The Jesus Clothes. No, I’m not talking about cheesy Christian T-shirts with a Coke logo that says a Bible verse (sorry if you own that shirt…just a matter of preference.) It’s more about modesty. Dress well and dress excellently. Cute tops that don’t show skin. A skirt or a pair of shorts that no one could call too short. Jeans that don’t hug in all the right places. Show off your beauty without showing off your body. And when you walk around all fabulous and confident, people will notice there is something different about you. And you can tell them why.

Rock The Jesus Talk. Yes, quoting Scripture is good. But Jesus is big into using love. Kindness. Encouragement. Forgiveness. Joy. Use your words to love people in the name of Jesus. Be a listening ear and an encouraging friend. Don’t gossip, slander, or complain. Instead, use kindness, thoughtfulness, and humor to make yourself (and Jesus) the kind of person that people want to be around.

Rock The Jesus Walk. Your attitude speaks volumes. The way you respond when your parents and teachers ask you for something. The way you drive. The way you react in the midst of conflict. The way you spend your time. Each moment you are around other people is a chance to influence them for Christ. Are you?

Question: How are you influencing your family and friends for Christ? How can you do it better? Which one of these is the easiest for you? Which one is the hardest?

How To Make The Most Out Of A Bad Situation

Frowny (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I don’t think you’d ever disagree that joy is a good thing. In fact, it’s a great thing. It’s something we should all desire, strive for, and dwell in.

But sometimes, things come along that make joy seem downright impossible.

Well, there’s a tough girl way to tackle that.

Situation:You’ve got plans for the weekend. Not something ho-hum like the movies for the fifteenth time this month. Something awesome like rock climbing or entering a free style rap contest. But then your parents drop the bomb that it’s family weekend instead.

Solution: Remember that your life isn’t about you. It’s about loving God and loving people. And way too often the people we need to love the most are those we overlook – our family. So put yourself and your friends aside and choose to love your family with everything you’ve got. Do it with a smile on your face and joy in your heart because, well, they don’t ask for all of your time. So, when they ask for some, give them your best.

 

Situation: Your friends are fighting. Again. Maybe they’re fighting and you’re stuck in the middle. Or maybe they’re fighting with you. Either way, it sucks.

Solution: “A soft answer turns away wrath…” Proverbs 15:1. Be the gentle tongue. Don’t gossip. Don’t slander. Don’t give into that incredibly tempting fleshy desire to indulge in less-than-godly behavior. Instead, kill ‘em with kindness. Love them. Bring peace to the table of swords. Not only will it help them, it will help you.

 

Situation: Your room is a disaster. You know it. Your parents know it. The produces of Hoarders probably know it. So your awesome afternoon plans have to take a backseat to dreaded cleaning day.

Solution: Get over it! Hate to break it to you, sister, but you are the one who messed it up. So, first off, admit that. Then crank up the tunes, get your dance on, and get to cleaning. And do it well. And try not to let it get that bad again

 

Situation: You’re broke. Again. No gas for your car. No weekend fun money. You can’t even order off the dollar menu at McDonald’s, let alone hang out at the mall with your friends.

Solution: Like before – get over it! You don’t need money to have fun. You certainly don’t need new stuff to have fun. In fact, in order to combat that terrible “I want! I want! I need! I need!” mentality – simplify. Get rid of some things. Ask people for rides or ride your bike. Remind yourself that you don’t need stuff to make you happy.

 

Situation: Someone you love is hurting. Divorce. Cancer. Moving. Whatever it is, they are hurt and you are hurting for them. Or maybe you’re the one who’s hurting. Maybe all these other situations seem trivial compared to what you’re going through.

Solution: Cling to Jesus. Seems cliche, right? Well, it’s true. Cling to Him with all your might. Print up artsy fartsy Bible verses and post them as far as the eye can see. Listen to uplifting Christian music. Close your eyes and pray, even if all you can get out is His name. He’s the only One who can restore joy in a situation like that.

And trust me…He will.

 

Question: What situation or situations tend to rob you of joy the most? What have you found can combat that? What Bible verses lift you up when life tries to get you down?

Prom With A Purpose

Want to know how to make this year’s prom one that you will never forget?

Make it a prom with a purpose.

Old School Prom – Do the dress up and picture thing. Do the dinner thing. But, instead of spending the evening at the dance (which you should totally stop by, just so everyone can see how fabulous you look), go to a retirement home. Bring the stuff to play Bingo. Bring some instruments and sing songs. Set up a stereo and spend the evening dancing with them – all in your formal gear. Not only will it be a night you won’t forget, they won’t forget it either.

Door To Door Prom – Same as above. Dress up, dinner, pop-in at the dance. But then, grab a laundry basket and go door to door in your neighborhood or the neighborhood around your school and collect donations. Canned food for the food bank. Clothes for Goodwill. People will get a kick out of seeing you all dressed up. Then you could say something like, “Instead of going to our prom, we’re trying to do something that really matters. Do you have any [fill in the blank] that you could donate to go to [fill in the blank]?”

Prayer Warrior Prom – Unfortunately, prom is a night when a lot of people make a lot of bad choices. Wouldn’t it be neat to have a group of friends who spend the evening praying for the people at your school? I’m not talking about standing awkwardly at the front doors of wherever your prom is being held and holding hands, shouting to God about the heathens bumping and grinding inside. But find a private spot wherever prom is being held and pray for your classmates. You could even take the time to drive around to different schools in your community and pray for them in the parking lots.

Progressive Dinner of Destiny – Instead of dishes out all the money for a fancy-shmancy dinner, ask your pastor, youth pastor, and other godly grown-ups to host a progressive dinner for you. Do appetizers, salads, main course, and dessert at different houses. Ask the couples to plan on telling you stories about their own proms (even better – have them show you their terrible pictures!) Have them tell you the story of how they met, how they got married, and how they got to be as cool as they are.

Prom Alternative Party – For all the non-prom goers, you could be the belle of the ball by hosting the best not-prom party ever! Have people wear something fun and funky. Set up a photo booth – a room with a cool backdrop, a camera on a tripod, and some fun props like fake facial hair, hats, frames, and so on. Make a play list chalk full of group dances like the Cha Cha Slide. Have lots of food and sparkling cider. Plan on watching a movie. Make it a fun night where people feel like it is better than prom!

The bottom line is, you can do some really creative things to kick prom up a notch simply by making it a night that is as much about other people as it is about you.

Related articles

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• 5 Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Go To Prom (fightlikegirls.wordpress.com)

How To Fight Discontentment

I want! I want! I need! I need! (Bill Murry in What About Bob? Did you pick up on that? If not, go and rent the movie. It has nothing to do with this blog, but it will give you lots of laughs!)

It’s the motto of our culture. You’re just one thing away from being totally, blissfully, end-of-a-romantic-comedy-movie happy.

Well, until you get that thing. Then there will be one more thing.

Fighting discontentment is a daily thing. Every where we look, there’s something we want. Somewhere we want to go. Someone we want to be. Always always something else.

Aside from forsaking all worldly possessions and relationships and vowing a life of solitude and poverty lived in the cliffs of some remote mountain, it can feel like there is no way to beat this discontentment battle.

But tough girls never say never.

Unless it is an offer from a creepy guy. Then the answer is always never.

How To Fight Discontentment

Step 1 – Practice a less is more mentality. To combat discontentment over wanting more and newer stuff, learn to live with less stuff right now. Go through your closet and get rid of some clothes. How many things do you have stacking up that you never use? If you haven’t given it a thought in the last six months, get rid of it. But not for the purpose of getting new stuff. Do it for the purpose of showing yourself that you don’t need a lot to live on.

Step 2 – Spend less. Make your coffee at home. If you need to buy something, buy it used. Go on a spending fast. This has less to do with saving money and more to do with breaking the habit of spending.

Step 3 – Pray more. Start each day off with thanksgiving. Drive in your car listing all the things God has blessed you with. Walk through the halls of your school thanking God for each life that is there (yes…even that girl. And that one. And especially that one!) Go home and thank God for all the stuff that He’s already blessed you with. Go to sleep with thanksgiving on your lips. A thankful girl is a content girl.

Step 4 – Look for God doing a God thing. When discontentment arises over circumstances and situations, stop looking at the negative and start searching for our awesome, sovereign, totally-in-control God working something that you could never have seen coming.

Step 5 – Get a friend on board. Double or triple up in your battle against discontentment. Call each other on it when you see the other slipping and give each other a hug when you see each other doing well.

Question: What ways do you try and battle discontentment? What on this list seems like it would be the hardest for you to do? Why haven’t you copied a link to this post and sent it to a friend saying, “We need this NOW!!!!?”

Related articles

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5 Steps To Making A Difference

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“He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?” – Micah 6:8

You should care, tough girl. You should care about injustice. You should care about the oppressed. You should care about orphans and widows.

But caring is a hard thing. In fact, it can be down right overwhelming. With so much wrong in the world, how do you even know where to start?

Here are 5 steps to start making a difference in a lasting way.

1) Pick a cause to be passionate about. Maybe it’s the idea of how many people in Africa don’t have access to clean water. Or maybe it’s the AIDS crisis. Maybe it’s the child sex slave trade. Malaria. hunger. Education. Abortion. Orphans. To keep from getting overwhelmed, pick just one.

2) Become an expert. Read up on your issue (beyond Wikipedia). Learn the history and the current events. Find out information about the areas affected. See what’s already in place to help. Read about ways that people can help. Don’t just be a noisy gong or a clanging symbol. Actually know what you’re talking about and what you’re passionate about.

3) Devote yourself to prayer. Every day. Pray for that issue. It may seem giant and impossible to fix, but we have a giant God who is in the habit of conquering the impossible. Men can do lots of things. But God can do all things.

4) Spread the word. Do it on Facebook. Talk about it at lunch at school. Write papers on it for class. Create a blog devoted to your issue. Wear products that tell about your cause. Try and get people as passionate about it as you are.

5) Give. Raise money for your cause. Sell clothes at a consignment shop. Host a bake sale. Fund raise. Do what it takes to financially support a reputable organization that is working with your cause. Here are a few organizations that I know and trust:

World Vision

BloodWater Mission

Timbali Crafts

Compassion International

World Outreach

If you’re still feeling overwhelmed, like you don’t even know where to start, check out this book: The Revolution: A Field Manual to Changing Your World. In it, you will find chapters addressing several social justice issues as well as ways to pray and help. Not only that, there are loads of resources at the back to help you get involved.

Question: What social justice issue are you most passionate about? What are you doing about it? How can you do more? How can you get started?

-A Biblical View Of Social Justice