Here is a conversation turned written letter:
I have a guy friend who wants to be more than friends. The problem is, I just don’t like him in that way! I don’t want to hurt his feelings and want to keep him as a friend, but how do I let him know that I just want things to stay like they are? He texts me, gives me gifts, and really puts his heart on the line. What should I do?
Sincerely, A Fearful Friend
Dear Fearful Friend,
In the words of Seinfeld, you have the “kavorka” – this amazing ability to make the opposite sex be attracted to you without even trying. Of course, on that show, the answer was to bathe in garlic and other stinky things to make the kavorka go away, but I have some better ideas.
- Don’t patronize him by saying things like, “I don’t really want to date right now,” if you would totally say yes to a guy that you do like. Instead, remind him how much his friendship means to you. Tell him you appreciate the fact that the two of you can talk and hang out without there being any pressure of having to have “more.”
- Make sure you aren’t leading him on. This is where girls often mess things up. Even if we don’t like a guy, we like attention from guys. So often we will string guys like your friend along, playfully flirting on occasion, drinking in the attention that they lavish on us. Thing is, that’s being a really bad friend. So curb the flirting. If that means you stop texting or hanging out one-on-one, then so be it. It’s worth it to protect his heart. Don’t give him any room to think that you feel the same way.
- Be upfront. If he give you gifts, tell him that you don’t feel comfortable accepting something like that since you are just friends. But make sure you do it in private – conversations like that in front of your other friends will absolutely crush him.
- Pray about it. Pray for him – that he would be okay with being just friends. And pray for yourself – that you would know how to handle it and that you wouldn’t lead him on.
If none of that works, then something in the friendship probably needs to change. That can be hard because it means that you won’t be as close, but it is worth it for both of you to keep your hearts in tact.